one last time.

this past saturday i nursed rylan for the last time.

it was probably one the most difficult things i've had to do as a mother.

i sobbed as i laid there in bed nursing him, stroking his hair, kissing his head and taking in the moment. our last time to ever be that close.

it hurts, but i feel peace. i thanked God over and over again that i was able to nurse him that long and for all the moments of closeness we shared. for the bond that was made every day over the past 13 months, i am grateful.

grateful,
for the first time i held you on my chest.
for all the times i nursed you to sleep,
and for all the times i held you in my arms, as close as we could get.
for all the times i touched your hair,
and for all the times you laid by my side.
all the times you needed me,
and all the times you wanted me.
all the times spent loving you, as a mother does a child.
i am grateful.