the walking dead, walking babies and stuff.

well, it's been awhile since my last post so i thought i'd pipe in for a bit while i'm feeling up to it.

i vividly remember several days during nap time where i thought to myself, "i should write". bless my poor hustling soul! i mean every single time. nothing was prying this ol' body off the couch. i've been tired yo. two up and at it babes will do it to you. oh yeah, first things first though the baby (who's not really a baby anymore *insert crying whining sad face*) girl is finally walking! it only took her 15 months, but i'm not complaining and i honestly don't know how i convinced myself both times that i was ready for them to walk. dead wrong on both occasions.

speaking of dead, we've recently developed a thing for the walking dead, you know, the tv show. i know, i know, we are way behind, but the husband signed us up for a free trial of netflix and it's been non-stop walking dead after the kids are in bed (did that just rhyme?). and we are totally not zombie people. i don't know how they do it. plus, i've trained myself to look away during the gory parts and have only had nightmares once, so there's that.

oh and the little boy is up to all the best things. i know i say it all the time but three has got to be my favorite. plus, we're finally potty trained. so the two's can kiss it on that one.

here's some favorite convos and/or things he's said:

me: "you got pepper on your tooth!"

ry: "cheeeeeeese!"

me: "do i have pepper on my teeth?"

ry: "nooooooo, you got a burger on you teeth!"

/ / /

(wanting me to play with his hair) ry: "can you pet me mom?"

/ / /

me: "ry do you want another baby?"

ry: "yes."

me: "do you want a boy or a girl baby?"

ry: "boy. can we have another boy? can we have another rylan baker?"

/ / /

"hold my hand so we can dance."

/ / /

(to me at bedtime) "i want you to lay here a minute, k?"

/ / /

(ry translating for tenley to us a breakfast) "she said i'm eating get out of my spaceship!"

/ / /

"no! don't shoot me! i'm a doctor!"

/ / /

(tenley crying in the car) "tenley cut it out!"..."tenley cut it out! i don't need that! ten...listen. ten listen to me. i'll get you something if you be good and not cry."

the other day we went and visited a mother's day out program that we are considering for rylan in the fall. my emotions are all over the place about it. i know he will do great with whatever we decide, but i've been there for all of the moments and i don't want to miss a thing (*cue singing*). the reality that he's growing up is hitting me square in the face every day now. i'm finding less and less crumbs under his seat at the table and i'm asking more and more of him-the fetching of the diapers and the clothes and such, and he's specifically told us that he's not a baby, he's a boy, he's just rylan. as we were leaving the  mother's day out program that we were checking out, he says to me, "i want to go to school." my heart just crumbled on the floor.

a couple of days later, we were playing in our "classroom" at home and he says the most precious words a stay at home mommy can hear, "mom, i'm so happy you be home with me."

and all was right in the world.

rylan and the threenager.

i'm calling today the "day of the poops".

by 11 am i had already changed three horrendous poopy tenley diapers in the span of three hours (or less?), so yes, that equals out to about one poop per hour (that's a lot of poopin'!).

then an hour or so later, after i had just given the kids a bath (lunch is messy y'all!), i tried to squeeze in a quick potty break for myself. i finished washing my hands and *CLINK* i hear the toilet lid go up in the kids' bathroom (this is NOT a good sign). i literally sprint to the other bathroom and there rylan stands. poop smeared all over his butt, holding his dirty poopy undies over the toilet trying to dump the poop from them into it's proper place. i'm mortified. i feel my brain starting to explode. and i'm certain there was steam coming from my ears. he dropped the undies in the toilet and all i can think to do is squeeze the water out of them and trash em'. i then proceed to deal with the poop on the hiney and straight to the tub for bath numero dos he went.

***

the days are long and hard, but i love this age, really i do. it may kill me, but i love it.

it hit me today, as birthday number three is approaching, that in the same amount of time that has already passed from this next birthday forward you will be SIX! that's just impossible. i'm declaring a worldwide age stoppage right this instance! as long as we can get our poops in the correct spot that is ;).

our rylan is becoming mr. independent. "i do it." he says. and i just sit back and watch. mistakes are made along the way, but i'm right there for every moment. to teach him, correct him and guide him. and oh, when he gets things right, what a bittersweet day.

he's saying some of the best things these days too. that's probably my favorite thing right now. like the other day during dinner we were going around the table asking each other questions like "what was your favorite thing we did today?" and he asks daddy, "what was the perfect thing you saw?". isn't that just the best question ever?! i was so proud. i pray that you grow into a man who asks questions and digs deep into the souls of the people you love. oh, and one night while getting you dressed we had a long conversation about how God made us, "He made your feet, and legs and arms, and your beautiful eyes" and at the very end of it all you exclaim, "gigi has three eyes too!". seriously, the best things are coming from this mouth of yours.

and let us not forget, cory. yes, cory. your imaginary friend who we are now using to get you to finish your cheeseburgers. we were sitting at braum's the other night and there was an extra chair and you asked me who was sitting there and i said no one. you were delighted to tell me that cory would be joining us in the open seat. you then claimed him to be your "best buddy" so i dug in a bit more...

me: "what color is cory's hair?"

you: "red."

me: "what color are his eyes?"

you: "green."

daddy: "is he tall or short?"

you: "tall."

daddy: "taller than me?"

you: "yeah."

the description was pure genius.

what an imagination.

but then there's the threenager. i don't know why no one ever told me about the threenager, but it's true and we aren't even technically there yet. there's the bossiness and the stubbornness too. along with a healthy dose of entitlement. and i'm pretty sure you've told everyone in the house to "obey" you at some point or another. and the fits. yeah. perfectly done kid. to a "T". i honestly wouldn't even have the energy to put on one of your little fits much less two, or three, or however many you're pulling off these days. i'm holding out hope that the teenage years won't hold a candle to this. i guess we'll see.

there are lots of sweet times too though. like when you ask me to sing you one more song or to lay with you when i'm putting you to bed. and how during your first movie in the theater you kept saying, "mommy wook at dis!". and when you get scared of something (like going on the elevator) you cling to my leg. makes my heart want to burst.

so although these days may be long and hard, they are some of the best because of you.

africa, i am forever changed.

so, i had almost half of a post written about my trip to africa, but for some reason it just sat and sat without ever coming to conclusion. i read and reread what i had so thoughtfully and carefully written out and i just couldn't get over thinking that it didn't even sound like me. funny how just a few weeks can change you.

i feel like i've had a bit more time to process my trip now and maybe that's why i felt the need to start this whole post over. but hey, it's whatever.

there's so much to say about my trip to africa.

you know, like it's completely and entirely different from America. the sights, the sounds, all the fruit-bearing trees, the slow way of life, the women walking for miles and miles with babies strapped to their backs and somehow still managing to gracefully balance towers of supplies on their heads, the dirt being swept outside a hut just for us to make a visit, the way that the children cared for each other, babies, just babies caring for babies.

and some of the biggest smiles you ever laid eyes on.

these people. they are people that i will never forget. some of the most humble, content and joyful people on the planet. oh, and to worship with these people! there's nothing like it. heaven will be a glorious sight with these dear brothers and sisters!

but there were hard things too. like, i don't know if i've ever worked so hard and still felt so small. and how overwhelmed i felt at the harvest. and how much the people wanted us there and want us to come back. and how much i wanted to help, but all along they were the ones helping me.

i can't help but think that maybe i needed this trip just as must as they did.

i know it's cliche and that lots of people say experiences like this will "change you forever", but it really is true.

....

africa, has forever changed me.

....

as we were riding on the bus one day it just hit me. the red dirt! uganda has red dirt *almost* just the same as oklahoma! it looks just the same! but, make no mistake, it's volcanic! -thanks for that little nugget, doug-the geologist on our team :) but it's just the same you know, stains real down deep, leaves marks in your soul. it may never be washed out and reminds you of home, though so very different and so very far away.

it did my soul good to follow this path of obedience that was scary for me and, as hard as it was, it did my soul good to leave my family and all that was comfortable.

God worked through us during those 10 days, and it was definitely all about His glory and others coming to know Him, but He has a mysterious way of flipping the script, as some of you may know. we worked long and hard days and as we poured ourselves out, He was simultaneously pouring into us. our hearts were broken. our eyes were opened. and our souls were changed.

i learned some things about myself as well and how much i need to be in constant prayer and communion with Him and not just one lousy, checked off, often missed or squeezed in time in His Word. and you know, that moves mountains!

so yeah, "forever changed" will have to do because that's just what happened.

the one with seattle and the food.

first things first, y'all.

food.

i think we did fairly well considering we didn't do much research beforehand on where to eat. i mean, we did have the most delicious donuts of our lives and the best fish sandwich known to mankind, so not too shabby if i do say so myself.

on our first full day in seattle we walked from our hotel to pike place market in search of the one and only daily dozen doughnut company because check these ratings. we pretty much planned out what we would do each day the night before and used urban spoon and google maps non-stop. anyway, donuts are considered a food group in our home so we knew we had to hit it up. so we grabbed our donuts (they only take cash!) and headed over to the "first" starbucks for some coffee. everything is all right there together so it was easy peasy. the starbucks was like any other starbucks for the most part, but it was a nice (and warm) spot to enjoy our donuts. i mean, the donuts were uh-mazing. we both preferred the plain over all the frou-frou stuff. they sort of remind me of cafe du monde's beignets in new orleans. delish.

another place to note in pike place market is matt's in the market! it's on the top floor of one of the buildings and from where we were seated we were able to look out the window with an awesome view of the market! our waitress recommended the pan-fried cornmeal crusted catfish sandwich and let me just tell you, this is the sandwich that will change your life! like for real. even the simple green side salad was good. it's definitely a spot to try!

the night that we went to the mariner's game we found a taco truck called el camion and it was pretty tasty! we also got hot dogs in the stadium because we don't do baseball games without dogs. that's just blasphemy.

on our last night in seattle we took a ride on the huge ferris wheel and grabbed some really good catfish over at ivar's for a late dinner. little did we know that we would be one of the last ones to eat there as it was closing that night for a good 9 months. come to find out, seattle is going to be doing some major construction on a seawall which has caused a ton of the waterfront businesses to have to temporarily close. boy did we make it just in time for our visit!

we feel like we ate a lot of really good food and it was sort of nice to enjoy a few quiet meals together as just the two of us. every now and then though as we were enjoying our food in peace it'd hit us that we actually really missed our two screaming little maniacs that usually join us. but they're pretty great so who can blame us :).

thanks again, seattle!

to Seattle with love.

i know, i know, i haven't even written about my trip to africa yet and here i am jabbering about seattle. forgive me, i'll get there i promise. this trip was definitely easier to process than my trip to africa so yeah, this post first.

actually, i'm considering making a few posts for this trip, like possibly tips on things to eat, wear and do or if you guys have any other questions i'd be happy to answer them! but first, let me just tell you, i loved seattle and the pacific north west! like LOVED. first timer right here and yes, mind blown, thank you very much.

we got a little taste of both the city and the outdoors just how we like it. rialto beach and olympic national park are at the top of my list and pike place market was definitely my favorite seattle thing. more on those later though. but yeah we had the best time and tried to squeeze as much as we possibly could into those 7 days and i'm mighty proud of how we did! i think we only had one wrong turn the entire time! go team travelers!

anyway, i have no earthly idea why i never realized how much of a fishy watery city seattle is, i mean tom hanks lived on a houseboat in sleepless in seattle for crying out loud and the baseball team's mascot is the mariner...i knew these things. so yeah, fishy and watery, she definitely is that, but she's also so so many other things. i'm talking surprises around every corner, right along with a starbucks. you know, i'm just wondering who DOESN'T want to hit up a starbucks every other block? oh and the hills, can't forget the hills. i worked muscles in my legs that i've never used in my entire life. you know the ones you city walking people you, i tip my hat friends.

the place was, sing it with me now,  "a whole new world! DON'T you DARE close your eyes!". seriously though, the trees were too much and the mysterious way that the water and the city looked perfect together was just...meh ;). i think you get the point. seattle, you are a little stunner aren't you? and you know it!

until next time my love.

sincerely,

the one in boots and jacket. always.

this is the week i leave for africa.

so i'm just sitting here thinking about how i could definitely use a snuggie right about now and, no big deal or anything, but the fact that i leave for africa (AFRICA !!) in two and a half-ish days.

bonkers, just bonkers.

so yeah, in just a few short days i'll be lugging tons of suitcases (3 to be exact plus a carry on plus a backpack with my purse stuffed inside-hey, it's not all for me thank you very much) to the airport and kissing my family goodbye for a solid ten days.

it's going to be touuuuugh.

just thinking about it gives me a pit in my stomach. i'm not quite sure how i'll handle all the emotions of it just yet, but i'm confident that God will provide what's needed.

the anticipation and waiting has probably been the hardest thing. our team has felt satan's attacks as well as i have. satan really is crafty. things i could never have come up with on my own. he's been throwing all the tricks at me lately...doubt, confidence blows, anger struggles and so on. yesterday was bad. he hit me hard and i wish i would've let him have it. i was defeated.

but thank goodness God's mercy is new every morning! it's a new day and i know i cannot do it on my own. even Jesus, you know, wore the armor of God! JESUS. man, i reeeeally need that armor.

so please be praying for our trip and for satan to be displeased! may God be glorified in UGANDA!

peace!

the last time. numero dos.

it's been exactly one week now since i nursed tenley for the last time. i wish i had gotten around to writing this post a little sooner to catch all the emotions of it, but it's a whirlwind over here these days and i sometimes barely have time to do..well..anything. so yeah, just getting around to it.

if someone would've looked into the future when you were around, oh, 1-2 months old and told me that i'd be sitting here today crying about being done nursing you i would've laughed! we struggled, boy, did we struggle to get things right. and i cried and cried. and got angry and impatient. i wanted to give up so many times. but we pressed on. and i had the best encourager. i don't know how we would've made it without your daddy. he was always there to support me even in the wee hours of the morning. even when he had to go to work the next morning. your daddy is just the best.

so we sat there in that same place where we struggled all those weeks. and i marveled at how easy it had become. how it all came together. how we'd grown. together and individually. i ran my fingers through your brown hair that i always swore was starting to fill in blonde. i studied your face and stroked your cheeks. i praised God for bringing us to this place.

you, my dear, are beautifully wild. your soul is so complicated and free. i know you are not mine to keep. it was a pleasure to be able to be so close for a time to something so wild.

oh! how he loves us!

as i sit in the floor with my children while one presses hard up against me and the other asks me yet another question ("mom what are you doing?") i cant help but feel overwhelmed with gratefulness.

this last weekend a young wife and mother from the church nick and i were members of all through college and the first few years of our marriage passed away. she fought a nasty, nasty cancer for a little over a year. she had numerous treatments, scans, surgeries, sleepless nights, excruciating pain and the evil just continued to spread throughout her body.

her spirit just grew sweeter though.

i've heard countless stories of her joyful and selfless heart. how she cared for others although she was in horrendous pain, the peace that people felt as they entered her hospital room, how she shared Jesus' love with everyone around her-doctors, nurses, loved ones and people following her story all around the world.

we didn't know her well, but have had the privilege to pray for her and her family throughout this battle. she leaves behind a husband of 8 years, a 4 year old daughter, her father, mother and sister, as well as many other friends and family.

as a wife of 6 1/2 years and a mother of two, i can't help but share in the feeling of the deep deep sadness of being separated from a loved one. things have definitely been put into perspective for me. though she is now cancer free and rejoicing with her Savior in heaven i know that she longed for many more days with her loved ones on earth.

this morning i fought hard against the ache in my back while lugging my 2 1/2 year old to the sink for an after breakfast scrub down. i thought about kelsey and how she would have loved to wash her daughter's hands one last time. i really watched as i scrubbed his little fingers together, the water washing away the sticky syrup and pancake crumbs. i didn't mind so much the dirty diapers, the spit up in the carpet, the pajama pants struggle. i thought of kelsey when i washed my hands for the billionth time and felt satisfied in the work i had done. the putting up of the toys (again) as well as the dishes (again). it's all for them. the ones that i love. and today i'm thankful for all of it. the stinky, the crying, the mess, and the clean ups because they are all signs of our life together.

i think back on a wonderful woman who lost her husband this past year and how she compared the separation from him as what God must've felt when He sent His son to earth to die on a cross. oh, what a love He must have for us! to send His only son!

although it is hard for us to fully comprehend everything in our earthly wisdom, kelsey is home, fully healed and complete, celebrating with her Savior, her first love.

please be praying for kelsey's family as they learn to live life without her. please pray that her daughter would be drawn closer to a saving relationship in Christ and that one day they would be united together in heaven! please ask God to give her husband comfort and peace that could only come from Him and wisdom as he leads their family.

i'm still learning to be more present in my life every single day and hope to be better at soaking it all in. chaos and mess included.

she who is brave is free.

via

i have a feeling i'll be repeating this to myself over and over again during the next few months. heck, this will probably become my lifetime motto, but whatever. 

today i committed to go on a ten day mission trip to Uganda with my church.

yes, i've been on mission trips. yes, i've been overseas. and yes, i'm still terrified of flying, but let's not go there.

it all started with an urging in my heart. from God? maybe, possibly, probably. anyway, i was convinced that i needed to go on a mission trip by the end of this year, which by all means was going to be pretty nearly impossible since i do have a baby and all. however, one sunday morning i noticed in the church bulletin that there was going to be a trip the month before tenley turned one! perfect! right? i somehow managed to wrangle up 6 cheetahs and make it to the one and only group meeting about the trip. i left feeling a bit torn. i was excited yes, but of course, as the Lord would have it, i'd be going with a group of total strangers (desperate introvert feeling) and i'd have a little less than a month to decide.

i went back and forth on my decision over the next few days and weeks and procrastinated it at best and excused it at worst. and then like many of old hailey decisions it came down to the wire and the answer just snuck up on me.

sometimes things or situations cause us to tighten our grips. you know, fear. nothing has caused this more in me than becoming a momma. it's easier to make excuses now, sometimes they are legitimate, but nonetheless, it's easier to get out of things and to let fear fester. i'm scared to leave my babies. i keep playing the what if games in my head, what if something happened to them or to me? i'm scared to miss something and everything. i'm scared to be away from them. i'm afraid that they might want me or need me and i won't be there. i'm afraid that ten days is too long.

but there's something that i'm even more afraid of, that my soul will not quit wrestling with...

i don't want to wake up one day and realize that i let my excuses, my fears, talk me out of being a living, walking, talking and breathing example to my babies of how to follow Christ. in 1 corinthians 11 paul urges the corinthians to follow his example as he follows Christ. Lord help me be an example worthy of being followed! may my children see your strength and power in me. help me to walk in your spirit and not in weakness or fear!

so yes! please be praying for me and with me friends as this will be a difficult and challenging time. i'm determined to not let satan win! to God be the glory!

-hailey

the in-betweens.

sometimes, when i'm least expecting it, i get caught up in the most beautiful moments. there's nothing really special about them. it's just a regular night, you know, the in-betweens. there's no special celebration or birthday or highlight of the day and heck, it was probably most likely a long and rather tedious non-memorable day, but for some reason time just seems to slow down almost like i'm looking in on our life from someone else's perspective, like someone holding a snow globe of my little family looking in on our little home and something becomes special in these tiny fleeting moments as i step away from myself.

just the other night before the kids' bedtime we had a mini pow wow in tenley's bedroom. we went into her tiny dark room and turned on the christmas lights that drape one of the walls and just talked about random things and watched the kids play. we closed out our mini pow wow session as we always do in traditional baker fashion with music and dancing with the babies. nothing seemingly special, oh, but it was!

i really love when these moments happen. when i feel sort of out of my body and i slow down and take it all in. i can really see tenley's fuzzy baby hair and how it's starting to fill in in the back and the way she looks at her brother. i can really hear rylan's voice and feel how tightly he hugs me. and then when i really look at the man in front of me and i'm overwhelmed at how much he loves me and our babies and this life we have made together. these are the moments that i live for. the in-betweens. the regular days. with these regular people. who are far from regular.

i want to type, but my allergies are destroying me...

so photo dump it is!

hope you all are staying allergy free and clear! cheers to spring! right?

taking monthly pictures is so much fun.

you should hear all the hooping and hollering that goes down just to capture these pictures! things start to decline drastically fast. the place turns into an absolute madhouse. i'm not even kidding. oh, but once you get just one good one it makes it all worth it...right? am i right? i can hear the Mr. "puhh-ing" in the background. oh well, let the hollering commence! i'm sentencing these two to side-by-side pictures for life!

p.s. good lighting makes the biggest difference, therefore, i'm hating you Mr. Winter for the dreariness you bestowed upon this past couple of month's photos!

p.p.s. i will announce the GooseWaddle Giveaway winner tomorrow! today is the last day to enter!

and p.p.p.s. sorry i haven't been posting the 6 week crossfit workout plan! if you are still following it, here are weeks 4, 5, and 6! i am stuck on week 5! grrrr.