September 16, 2014

one year tenley.


some would say it was the best year of their life or the fastest or even the hardest and i'm sure i've said my fair share of whatevers, but as of now i'd say the past year has been, well, all of it. there is no one word or emotion to describe our first year as a family of four, as is the same can be said of our tenley girl.


before i met you i thought i knew it all, you know, baby number 2, i got this stuff. i had the perfect rock and sway, scheduling was already planned out in my head, daddy the perfect swaddle etc. etc. and BAM!

YOU!


what in the world was i thinking?!



i've wondered to myself before about how far our struggle goes back and i think it's safe to say "in the womb" as we thought we'd lost you once around 11 weeks.


from day one when i saw your tiny balled up little fists i knew you were going to be a fighter! but i think you've proven to be a lover as well and you've set your sights on your big brother. you adore him and when he's in the room no one else matters. it's ridiculous really, but it just might be the cutest thing on the planet. you are one passionate and determined little soul. you do everything with all your might. you play hard, laugh hard, fight hard, cry hard, and love hard. you fight with all you have and love with even more.


you have always been the unpredictable in my predictable controlled world. the humbling reminder to my "know-it-all" ways. the feisty fire-ball that knows precisely what she wants and five minutes ago! however tough it has been trying to figure out how to be the best mommy to my sweet and complicated tenley girl, you have always been exactly what i needed right when i needed it. you have shown me things about myself that i never knew were there. you've drawn out my weaknesses and caused me to lean on my Savior even more. you've grown me and stretched me in more ways than any one person ever has and for that i am forever grateful. you've been God's sanctifying tool in my life that's for sure.

i'm blessed to be your mommy and am thankful for the struggle that we've had getting to know one another this past year. it has made getting things just right that much more sweet.


this past year with you has been trying and fun, happy and sad, up and down, high and low, full of laughter and tears, anything and everything, yep, all of it. in the very best possible way.

here's to many more years growing together as a mother and a daughter.


love you forever baby,

momma


September 15, 2014

11 months.


i left you for 10 days this month and it was ridiculously hard to be away from you for that long. like ridiculous. plus it's crazy how quickly you change at this age. when i got home you looked different. you were cruising around the furniture and you had finally perfected the clap that we'd been working on.

you still aren't a big talker, but that's fine with me. i can just sit and enjoy the silence with you for now if that's what you like, every good introvert likes a little solitude as you know. we went to the doctor for your one month check up on the tubes in your ears and everything looks great. so that's good news!

lately you've just been gobbling up the blueberries just like your brother. my little blueberry babies! you still have 4 teeth on top and 2 on bottom. and you're still a biter. bit the crud out of your brother today...but hey, you're a great eater though if that makes up for it, i'm not sure?

one of my favorite things is holding you when you let me rest your head on my shoulder. i really wish you'd cuddle more, but i can't get enough of these little fleeting moments.

can't believe you've been in our lives for almost a year now. time does fly.

love you forever,

momma

August 18, 2014

10 months.


welp, you had your very first surgery this month. never thought i'd be saying that about my 10 month old baby. in last month's post we talked about visiting the ENT and you ended up failing the hearing test and tympanogram again with them. the doctor said there was fluid in your ears and only a very small chance for it to drain on its own so it was really up to us on what to do at that point. get tubes now or wait it out. the longest the doctor would wait would be 6 months, only we don't know for sure how long the fluid had already been there. we opted to move forward with the surgery.

deciding to put your baby under anesthesia is not a fun decision to make, but we felt confident that it was the right choice for our situation. my mom came and watched rylan for us since we needed to be at the hospital at 6:30 am for an 8:00 am appointment and we weren't sure how you'd do. you are our "unpredictable tenley" you know. the surgery took no time at all and, of course, in regular tenley fashion, you were mad at the world for about an hour or so after ;). you still hate being held and cuddled so we were literally at a loss at what to do for you. once we got you home and down for a nap you were back to normal. 

we are still waiting to see if this will have any affect on your speech, maybe you just don't like to talk much and if that's the case i totally get it. *update: you've been babbling more and possibly saying da-da and bu-ba, but i'm not sure if we're counting it just yet ;)

you are finally sitting up strong and are pulling yourself up like a champ. your crawl is just the best. it is a hilarious mix of frog hopping and the butterfly stroke. nothing beats it. but hey, you get where you're goin' right? 

you now have 3 teeth on top with a 4th coming in and those two little cuties on bottom are still holding up strong all by their lonesome. slobber-check, crib rail protecters-check. you. chew. and. bite. everything. and i mean EVERYTHING. and what's up with the obsession with the rocks in the fireplace? they don't taste good trust me on this one!

i've already started planning your first birthday party...like seriously...where has this year gone? i still remember your tight little fists and chubby mad newborn face. this is going by way to fast for my liking.

love you forever,

momma

this is the week i leave for africa.

so i'm just sitting here thinking about how i could definitely use a snuggie right about now and, no big deal or anything, but the fact that i leave for africa (AFRICA !!) in two and a half-ish days.

bonkers, just bonkers.

so yeah, in just a few short days i'll be lugging tons of suitcases (3 to be exact plus a carry on plus a backpack with my purse stuffed inside-hey, it's not all for me thank you very much) to the airport and kissing my family goodbye for a solid ten days.

it's going to be touuuuugh.

just thinking about it gives me a pit in my stomach. i'm not quite sure how i'll handle all the emotions of it just yet, but i'm confident that God will provide what's needed.

the anticipation and waiting has probably been the hardest thing. our team has felt satan's attacks as well as i have. satan really is crafty. things i could never have come up with on my own. he's been throwing all the tricks at me lately...doubt, confidence blows, anger struggles and so on. yesterday was bad. he hit me hard and i wish i would've let him have it. i was defeated.

but thank goodness God's mercy is new every morning! it's a new day and i know i cannot do it on my own. even Jesus, you know, wore the armor of God! JESUS. man, i reeeeally need that armor.

so please be praying for our trip and for satan to be displeased! may God be glorified in UGANDA!

peace!



August 8, 2014

a big boy room.









rylan's "big boy" room has been a work in progress for a while now. i had a couple of items from ikea in mind to replace the dark wood furniture that we had in his nursery so we had to do some online shopping. and waiting. we met a few bumps in the road along the way and after spending literally hours on the phone with ikea and explaining to my neighbors that we aren't just listening to elevator music for fun (if you're gonna keep me on hold that long you could at least play some greatest hits from the 90's to smooth things over) we received the final missing package. or packages. whatever. did you know that if you are missing just one of the packages to your ikea piece of furniture they mail all of the packages regardless? weird, i know. so now we're sitting over here with two of the three packages for an extra mandal dresser. who knows what we're going to do with it. i'm not even about to get back on the phone with ikea and ask them what to do!

a couple of things have been added since these pics were taken and i didn't even get a photo of the mandal dresser (except the top of it pictured above), but it's there and we love it!

bed: the sundvik bed from ikea
bedding: the eivor ord duvet cover and pillow case from ikea, quilt: gift
world map pillow case: similar here
banner: DIY
tee-pee: DIY
toy box: gift
rylan letters and baseball decor: hobby lobby
baseball gloves and shadow boxes: thrift store find
canvas hamper: babies r us
dresser: the mandal dresser from ikea

August 4, 2014

two and a half.




you're like a little ray of sunshine everywhere you go just spreading light, joy, happiness. i want to be just like you. except for the tantrums, you know, not publicly acceptable for adults and all.

you love to talk and you're pretty good at it i might add. one guy told us that you should be doing the NBC nightly news! i'd be sure to tune in to see that! if i'm ever being too quiet you say, "mommy talk!". bossy too. i can barely keep up ;).

some favorite sayings:

-"mommy whadyou fhank?" aka mommy whatcha think?
-"belax" aka relax
-"i see you hiney!"
-"whatchu doin'?"

you've been obsessed with Siri on our iphones lately. you like to ask what's she's doing. i tell you she's taking a nap ;). one night when you were praying you even thanked Jesus for her! i tried to hold the laughs in, but i lost it! lots of character in you kid.

you have become one of my best friends over the past two and a half years. you are simply one of the most amazing souls on earth and i'm blessed to call you my son. you've changed me, challenged me, made me a better person, and drawn me to my Savior like never before. two and a half years of being abundantly blessed by your life and yet a lifetime with you would never be enough. so here's to more nights praying for your little heart to one day be His and for an eternity together with Him.

p.s. you're a great big brother. minus all the pushing, you know, and the hitting. you're just trying to teach her to stick up for herself, right?

love you forever baby,

momma

July 22, 2014

the last time. numero dos.


it's been exactly one week now since i nursed tenley for the last time. i wish i had gotten around to writing this post a little sooner to catch all the emotions of it, but it's a whirlwind over here these days and i sometimes barely have time to do..well..anything. so yeah, just getting around to it.


if someone would've looked into the future when you were around, oh, 1-2 months old and told me that i'd be sitting here today crying about being done nursing you i would've laughed! we struggled, boy, did we struggle to get things right. and i cried and cried. and got angry and impatient. i wanted to give up so many times. but we pressed on. and i had the best encourager. i don't know how we would've made it without your daddy. he was always there to support me even in the wee hours of the morning. even when he had to go to work the next morning. your daddy is just the best.


so we sat there in that same place where we struggled all those weeks. and i marveled at how easy it had become. how it all came together. how we'd grown. together and individually. i ran my fingers through your brown hair that i always swore was starting to fill in blonde. i studied your face and stroked your cheeks. i praised God for bringing us to this place.

you, my dear, are beautifully wild. your soul is so complicated and free. i know you are not mine to keep. it was a pleasure to be able to be so close for a time to something so wild.