the walking dead, walking babies and stuff.

well, it's been awhile since my last post so i thought i'd pipe in for a bit while i'm feeling up to it.

i vividly remember several days during nap time where i thought to myself, "i should write". bless my poor hustling soul! i mean every single time. nothing was prying this ol' body off the couch. i've been tired yo. two up and at it babes will do it to you. oh yeah, first things first though the baby (who's not really a baby anymore *insert crying whining sad face*) girl is finally walking! it only took her 15 months, but i'm not complaining and i honestly don't know how i convinced myself both times that i was ready for them to walk. dead wrong on both occasions.

speaking of dead, we've recently developed a thing for the walking dead, you know, the tv show. i know, i know, we are way behind, but the husband signed us up for a free trial of netflix and it's been non-stop walking dead after the kids are in bed (did that just rhyme?). and we are totally not zombie people. i don't know how they do it. plus, i've trained myself to look away during the gory parts and have only had nightmares once, so there's that.

oh and the little boy is up to all the best things. i know i say it all the time but three has got to be my favorite. plus, we're finally potty trained. so the two's can kiss it on that one.

here's some favorite convos and/or things he's said:

me: "you got pepper on your tooth!"

ry: "cheeeeeeese!"

me: "do i have pepper on my teeth?"

ry: "nooooooo, you got a burger on you teeth!"

/ / /

(wanting me to play with his hair) ry: "can you pet me mom?"

/ / /

me: "ry do you want another baby?"

ry: "yes."

me: "do you want a boy or a girl baby?"

ry: "boy. can we have another boy? can we have another rylan baker?"

/ / /

"hold my hand so we can dance."

/ / /

(to me at bedtime) "i want you to lay here a minute, k?"

/ / /

(ry translating for tenley to us a breakfast) "she said i'm eating get out of my spaceship!"

/ / /

"no! don't shoot me! i'm a doctor!"

/ / /

(tenley crying in the car) "tenley cut it out!"..."tenley cut it out! i don't need that! ten...listen. ten listen to me. i'll get you something if you be good and not cry."

the other day we went and visited a mother's day out program that we are considering for rylan in the fall. my emotions are all over the place about it. i know he will do great with whatever we decide, but i've been there for all of the moments and i don't want to miss a thing (*cue singing*). the reality that he's growing up is hitting me square in the face every day now. i'm finding less and less crumbs under his seat at the table and i'm asking more and more of him-the fetching of the diapers and the clothes and such, and he's specifically told us that he's not a baby, he's a boy, he's just rylan. as we were leaving the  mother's day out program that we were checking out, he says to me, "i want to go to school." my heart just crumbled on the floor.

a couple of days later, we were playing in our "classroom" at home and he says the most precious words a stay at home mommy can hear, "mom, i'm so happy you be home with me."

and all was right in the world.

tenley girl turns one

i have never been a super girly girl, in fact, i was pretty much a tomboy all growing up. so as soon as i found out that i would be having a little girl of my own i swore off the pink. well, i had, at the very least, solemnly vowed to myself to not overdo it like all the "other girl moms" do, but alas there i sat one year later planning a pink and gold first birthday party. phuh.

you know, i'm not entirely sure why the color pink has grown on me so much this past year, but maybe it reminds me of the color of her little button nose as she squishes it when she drinks her bottle. or the color of her cheeks when she plays hard with her brother. or maybe it's the way it speaks innocence over her. how she's still my baby and always will be. how she's sweet and pure as snow, but tinged with just a little bit of spunk and attitude and unruliness. the perfect blend of my complicated tenley.

the color has definitely taken on new meaning now that she's here and it will forever remind me that i once was a mommy to a baby, a baby girl, who was lovely and petite and everything feminine, but at the very same time she was spirited and passionate and fierce. pink is the color of my tenley. the sign that i'm a mommy to a daughter.

and i wouldn't have it any other way.

love you baby girl,

momma

*party supplies: party galaxy and target*
*cake stand and tableware: target*
*cake, food, tassel garland: homemade*
*tenley's crown: etsy: love crush bowtique*

12 months tenley.

so yeah, i'm waaaaaay behind on this just like always, but the perfectionist type A in me won't let it go...

you are doing so great lately. definitely saying da-da AND ma-ma. i'm as happy as a lark, if you couldn't tell :).

you still have 4 chompers on top and 2 on bottom.

my favorite thing right now is the way you've been scrunching your nose and cheesing. i just love it. you've also been doing this thing where you shape your mouth into a giant "O" and make the cutest little whistle! your personality is really starting to shine!

you started crawling on all fours at your birthday party! i'm super glad that you're done dragging yourself all over the house, but i do miss that little leap frogging olympic swimmer crawl of yours. we've been trying different things to get you walking, but i think it could be a little bit longer for that. plus, you prefer to do things on your own terms...so...here's me releasing my "helicopter mom" arms and stepping back for ya ;).

and eating is pretty much your favorite thing. you seriously eat everything. like EVERYthing. hey, i'm not complaining!

we are so proud of where we've come with you! those first few months were tough and then dealing with all the hearing issues and tubes in your ears-i feel like we're really starting to come out of all of that now! can i get an amen?!

these past 12 months have been filled to the brim and life seems to be just flying by. your first year came and left in a blink. i still remember seeing you for the first time, my dark curly-haired wonder with the cute little rolls all over and thinking to myself, who is she?

as i've gotten to know you this year i feel like i've gotten to know myself. it's almost as if you were born my little mirror to show me who i am. i've seen the good and the bad and who i long to be. you and i are so alike and i pray that i'm someone whose examples will some day be worthy of following. we have a long ways to go, but will you go with me?

i'm looking forward to our girly dates with pedicures and secrets. prayers and tears, because i know there will be plenty of broken hearts and hurtful words. but i will be there through all of it, the joy and the pain. i will be there like my mommy was. this is what we mommies do. and i can't wait. i can't wait to grow with you and to get to know you more. you are one special soul my sweet tenley girl.

i'm so thankful to have you, my daughter and my lifelong friend.

here's to many more years growing and learning together!

love you forever,

momma

hey, she can cry if she wants to right? ;)

one year tenley.

some would say it was the best year of their life or the fastest or even the hardest and i'm sure i've said my fair share of whatevers, but as of now i'd say the past year has been, well, all of it. there is no one word or emotion to describe our first year as a family of four, as is the same can be said of our tenley girl.

before i met you i thought i knew it all, you know, baby number 2, i got this stuff. i had the perfect rock and sway, scheduling was already planned out in my head, daddy the perfect swaddle etc. etc. and BAM!

YOU!

what in the world was i thinking?!

i've wondered to myself before about how far our struggle goes back and i think it's safe to say "in the womb" as we thought we'd lost you once around 11 weeks.

from day one when i saw your tiny balled up little fists i knew you were going to be a fighter! but i think you've proven to be a lover as well and you've set your sights on your big brother. you adore him and when he's in the room no one else matters. it's ridiculous really, but it just might be the cutest thing on the planet. you are one passionate and determined little soul. you do everything with all your might. you play hard, laugh hard, fight hard, cry hard, and love hard. you fight with all you have and love with even more.

you have always been the unpredictable in my predictable controlled world. the humbling reminder to my "know-it-all" ways. the feisty fire-ball that knows precisely what she wants and five minutes ago! however tough it has been trying to figure out how to be the best mommy to my sweet and complicated tenley girl, you have always been exactly what i needed right when i needed it. you have shown me things about myself that i never knew were there. you've drawn out my weaknesses and caused me to lean on my Savior even more. you've grown me and stretched me in more ways than any one person ever has and for that i am forever grateful. you've been God's sanctifying tool in my life that's for sure.

i'm blessed to be your mommy and am thankful for the struggle that we've had getting to know one another this past year. it has made getting things just right that much more sweet.

this past year with you has been trying and fun, happy and sad, up and down, high and low, full of laughter and tears, anything and everything, yep, all of it. in the very best possible way.

here's to many more years growing together as a mother and a daughter.

love you forever baby,

momma

11 months.

i left you for 10 days this month and it was ridiculously hard to be away from you for that long. like ridiculous. plus it's crazy how quickly you change at this age. when i got home you looked different. you were cruising around the furniture and you had finally perfected the clap that we'd been working on.

you still aren't a big talker, but that's fine with me. i can just sit and enjoy the silence with you for now if that's what you like, every good introvert likes a little solitude as you know. we went to the doctor for your one month check up on the tubes in your ears and everything looks great. so that's good news!

lately you've just been gobbling up the blueberries just like your brother. my little blueberry babies! you still have 4 teeth on top and 2 on bottom. and you're still a biter. bit the crud out of your brother today...but hey, you're a great eater though if that makes up for it, i'm not sure?

one of my favorite things is holding you when you let me rest your head on my shoulder. i really wish you'd cuddle more, but i can't get enough of these little fleeting moments.

can't believe you've been in our lives for almost a year now. time does fly.

love you forever,

momma

10 months.

welp, you had your very first surgery this month. never thought i'd be saying that about my 10 month old baby. in last month's post we talked about visiting the ENT and you ended up failing the hearing test and tympanogram again with them. the doctor said there was fluid in your ears and only a very small chance for it to drain on its own so it was really up to us on what to do at that point. get tubes now or wait it out. the longest the doctor would wait would be 6 months, only we don't know for sure how long the fluid had already been there. we opted to move forward with the surgery.

deciding to put your baby under anesthesia is not a fun decision to make, but we felt confident that it was the right choice for our situation. my mom came and watched rylan for us since we needed to be at the hospital at 6:30 am for an 8:00 am appointment and we weren't sure how you'd do. you are our "unpredictable tenley" you know. the surgery took no time at all and, of course, in regular tenley fashion, you were mad at the world for about an hour or so after ;). you still hate being held and cuddled so we were literally at a loss at what to do for you. once we got you home and down for a nap you were back to normal. 

we are still waiting to see if this will have any affect on your speech, maybe you just don't like to talk much and if that's the case i totally get it. *update: you've been babbling more and possibly saying da-da and bu-ba, but i'm not sure if we're counting it just yet ;)

you are finally sitting up strong and are pulling yourself up like a champ. your crawl is just the best. it is a hilarious mix of frog hopping and the butterfly stroke. nothing beats it. but hey, you get where you're goin' right? 

you now have 3 teeth on top with a 4th coming in and those two little cuties on bottom are still holding up strong all by their lonesome. slobber-check, crib rail protecters-check. you. chew. and. bite. everything. and i mean EVERYTHING. and what's up with the obsession with the rocks in the fireplace? they don't taste good trust me on this one!

i've already started planning your first birthday party...like seriously...where has this year gone? i still remember your tight little fists and chubby mad newborn face. this is going by way to fast for my liking.

love you forever,

momma

the last time. numero dos.

it's been exactly one week now since i nursed tenley for the last time. i wish i had gotten around to writing this post a little sooner to catch all the emotions of it, but it's a whirlwind over here these days and i sometimes barely have time to do..well..anything. so yeah, just getting around to it.

if someone would've looked into the future when you were around, oh, 1-2 months old and told me that i'd be sitting here today crying about being done nursing you i would've laughed! we struggled, boy, did we struggle to get things right. and i cried and cried. and got angry and impatient. i wanted to give up so many times. but we pressed on. and i had the best encourager. i don't know how we would've made it without your daddy. he was always there to support me even in the wee hours of the morning. even when he had to go to work the next morning. your daddy is just the best.

so we sat there in that same place where we struggled all those weeks. and i marveled at how easy it had become. how it all came together. how we'd grown. together and individually. i ran my fingers through your brown hair that i always swore was starting to fill in blonde. i studied your face and stroked your cheeks. i praised God for bringing us to this place.

you, my dear, are beautifully wild. your soul is so complicated and free. i know you are not mine to keep. it was a pleasure to be able to be so close for a time to something so wild.

9 months.

this month has been sort of a trying one for us. mommy got a little worried about how you were coming along with your communication and we ended up getting referred for an evaluation. while we were there you didn't pass your hearing test which was odd because we didn't have any concerns here. they sent us back to our doctor where we had your ears cleaned (hoping that it's just drainage/blockage causing the issues-which could in turn be slowing your communication). we know that you can obviously hear so we aren't exactly sure what's going on. we are now waiting for our ENT appointment and are going to redo your hearing test. in the meantime we've been working extra hard with you and you are now making sounds like bu-ba, ma-ma, and da-da :).

we also received a little bit of negativity at your 9 month appointment for not being more consistent with solid foods. sooooo we've been doing solid meals with you 3x/day. it is a wreck trying to feed TWO babies by myself during the day, but we've been making it work somehow. i've found it's best to feed you and ry at different times. good thing is you have loved everything we put in front of you so that's that!

some of my favorite things:

-the way you prop your leg up in your car seat
-the way your hair wisps up in little swirls around your ears
-your chunky legs
-your two little teeth on bottom (you are getting three more on top!)
-the way you laugh, it's an adorable old lady cackle, but we'll take it!

we've also begun the weaning process since i'll be leaving for Africa before your first birthday. i've been doing formula, bottles, all that stuff. it's been hard on me to have to quit nursing earlier than i'd like, but i really feel like this trip is what God has for me to do. i'm loving watching you grow and am sad that i'm going to miss those 10 days! don't grow too fast! and please no first steps while i'm away!!!

love you forever,

momma

8 months.

you're a quick little mover these days. once you've set your mind on something it's yours. nothing stands in your way. just like your brother, always on the move.

once again, we're total parent failures in the solid food department with you blah blah blah. you may just have to take charge of this one on your own sweetheart. i'll show you where the pantry is ;).

you love being outside and messing with anything that brother has.

the toy "MINE-ing" has already begun. sheesh.

sleep is going grrrreat these days. you're finally making it to 8:00-8:15 am! still sleeping perfectly through the night. proud and happy momma over here!

you're still one tough cookie though. we have good days and hard days and i'm STILL trying to figure you out.

you are one complicated soul, but we love you little lady!

love you forever,

momma

**i know, i know, tenley is actually 9 months today. what can ya do?!

7 months tenley.

sweet little lady you are on the move! well, it's a bit of a "drag" crawl right now, but it's a crawl none-the-less.

oh and those two tiny teeth. i'm dying over them.

and we may be total failures in the baby food department with you, but i'm pretty sure you don't mind. you'll take some milk to go with a side of milk and a glass of milk to wash it down ;). you know, baby #2 stuff.

hashtagcantwejustgiveyoupizzaalready
hashtaghatesthebabyfood

oh, ma'am, but you are so much fun lately! i think you might actually be a momma's girl these days! that's a first.

you are so ticklish and when we're putting you to bed at night you're in the best mood of the day. like, seriously, throwing a party.

i can't believe how far we've come with you.

my little girl.

love you forever,

momma

6 months.

we are so proud that you actually fit your clothes at the right age! rylan always tends to be on the smaller end of things so this is new to us! way to go (as if you really have anything to do with this, but whatever)!

getting you to smile is some hard work. you are not impressed by my funny faces. why so serious lady?

we've been feeding you at the table with us more recently and just moved you on to green veggies. i know you're excited to try some greens! that cereal was just not your thing.

you are still our little drama queen. shots are the worst. and wiping your nose is a knock-down, drag-out. i avoid it like the plague.

you've been sleeping from 9 pm to 7 am and we are quite impressed. keep up the good work and we'll be promoting you to your very own room sweet girl!

you are just growing and growing and really starting to grow on me. you know, i kind of like you :). i'm loving getting to know you these days.

some of your favorite things: being outside, being worn in the baby carrier and watching your brother. oh and your new teething elephant, ellie.

we love seeing you and rylan interact more and can't wait to watch you two become the best of friends.

love you forever,

momma

5 months.

your daddy and i swear to each other that we just brought a newborn baby home from the hospital just a few weeks ago. i guess with two little ones time goes by "double" fast or something. not fair.

this month you tried your first bites of cereal. i'm not so sure how you felt about it, but i'm pretty sure you like the part where you feel like a big girl. you love sitting at the table with us. now if we could just get you to stop trying to roll out of your bumbo seat we'd be set!

you've still got eyes for daddy, but there's something extra special in the way you look at your big brother, like he's already your hero. i don't understand it, well, i kind of do, but you know the kid would rather sit on your head most days right? oh, how i love these days!

this month you answered the question of what "spitting mad" is for me! if you get upset about something you just start spitting/blowing raspberries in the air. it's pretty darn cute so i don't think you're getting the reaction you expected. sorry sista!

you also learned how to stick your tongue out at us you little stinker! and i've got an inkling that crawling will be soon to follow.

oh and the rolls. can't forget the rolls. your little thighs are as chunky as can be! just how we like them.

love you forever,

momma

7/52

"a portrait, once a week for 2014"

i think we are in for it with this girl. she is a mess!

the 52 project

taking monthly pictures is so much fun.

you should hear all the hooping and hollering that goes down just to capture these pictures! things start to decline drastically fast. the place turns into an absolute madhouse. i'm not even kidding. oh, but once you get just one good one it makes it all worth it...right? am i right? i can hear the Mr. "puhh-ing" in the background. oh well, let the hollering commence! i'm sentencing these two to side-by-side pictures for life!

p.s. good lighting makes the biggest difference, therefore, i'm hating you Mr. Winter for the dreariness you bestowed upon this past couple of month's photos!

p.p.s. i will announce the GooseWaddle Giveaway winner tomorrow! today is the last day to enter!

and p.p.p.s. sorry i haven't been posting the 6 week crossfit workout plan! if you are still following it, here are weeks 4, 5, and 6! i am stuck on week 5! grrrr.