the walking dead, walking babies and stuff.

well, it's been awhile since my last post so i thought i'd pipe in for a bit while i'm feeling up to it.

i vividly remember several days during nap time where i thought to myself, "i should write". bless my poor hustling soul! i mean every single time. nothing was prying this ol' body off the couch. i've been tired yo. two up and at it babes will do it to you. oh yeah, first things first though the baby (who's not really a baby anymore *insert crying whining sad face*) girl is finally walking! it only took her 15 months, but i'm not complaining and i honestly don't know how i convinced myself both times that i was ready for them to walk. dead wrong on both occasions.

speaking of dead, we've recently developed a thing for the walking dead, you know, the tv show. i know, i know, we are way behind, but the husband signed us up for a free trial of netflix and it's been non-stop walking dead after the kids are in bed (did that just rhyme?). and we are totally not zombie people. i don't know how they do it. plus, i've trained myself to look away during the gory parts and have only had nightmares once, so there's that.

oh and the little boy is up to all the best things. i know i say it all the time but three has got to be my favorite. plus, we're finally potty trained. so the two's can kiss it on that one.

here's some favorite convos and/or things he's said:

me: "you got pepper on your tooth!"

ry: "cheeeeeeese!"

me: "do i have pepper on my teeth?"

ry: "nooooooo, you got a burger on you teeth!"

/ / /

(wanting me to play with his hair) ry: "can you pet me mom?"

/ / /

me: "ry do you want another baby?"

ry: "yes."

me: "do you want a boy or a girl baby?"

ry: "boy. can we have another boy? can we have another rylan baker?"

/ / /

"hold my hand so we can dance."

/ / /

(to me at bedtime) "i want you to lay here a minute, k?"

/ / /

(ry translating for tenley to us a breakfast) "she said i'm eating get out of my spaceship!"

/ / /

"no! don't shoot me! i'm a doctor!"

/ / /

(tenley crying in the car) "tenley cut it out!"..."tenley cut it out! i don't need that! ten...listen. ten listen to me. i'll get you something if you be good and not cry."

the other day we went and visited a mother's day out program that we are considering for rylan in the fall. my emotions are all over the place about it. i know he will do great with whatever we decide, but i've been there for all of the moments and i don't want to miss a thing (*cue singing*). the reality that he's growing up is hitting me square in the face every day now. i'm finding less and less crumbs under his seat at the table and i'm asking more and more of him-the fetching of the diapers and the clothes and such, and he's specifically told us that he's not a baby, he's a boy, he's just rylan. as we were leaving the  mother's day out program that we were checking out, he says to me, "i want to go to school." my heart just crumbled on the floor.

a couple of days later, we were playing in our "classroom" at home and he says the most precious words a stay at home mommy can hear, "mom, i'm so happy you be home with me."

and all was right in the world.

the last time. numero dos.

it's been exactly one week now since i nursed tenley for the last time. i wish i had gotten around to writing this post a little sooner to catch all the emotions of it, but it's a whirlwind over here these days and i sometimes barely have time to do..well..anything. so yeah, just getting around to it.

if someone would've looked into the future when you were around, oh, 1-2 months old and told me that i'd be sitting here today crying about being done nursing you i would've laughed! we struggled, boy, did we struggle to get things right. and i cried and cried. and got angry and impatient. i wanted to give up so many times. but we pressed on. and i had the best encourager. i don't know how we would've made it without your daddy. he was always there to support me even in the wee hours of the morning. even when he had to go to work the next morning. your daddy is just the best.

so we sat there in that same place where we struggled all those weeks. and i marveled at how easy it had become. how it all came together. how we'd grown. together and individually. i ran my fingers through your brown hair that i always swore was starting to fill in blonde. i studied your face and stroked your cheeks. i praised God for bringing us to this place.

you, my dear, are beautifully wild. your soul is so complicated and free. i know you are not mine to keep. it was a pleasure to be able to be so close for a time to something so wild.

she who is brave is free.

via

i have a feeling i'll be repeating this to myself over and over again during the next few months. heck, this will probably become my lifetime motto, but whatever. 

today i committed to go on a ten day mission trip to Uganda with my church.

yes, i've been on mission trips. yes, i've been overseas. and yes, i'm still terrified of flying, but let's not go there.

it all started with an urging in my heart. from God? maybe, possibly, probably. anyway, i was convinced that i needed to go on a mission trip by the end of this year, which by all means was going to be pretty nearly impossible since i do have a baby and all. however, one sunday morning i noticed in the church bulletin that there was going to be a trip the month before tenley turned one! perfect! right? i somehow managed to wrangle up 6 cheetahs and make it to the one and only group meeting about the trip. i left feeling a bit torn. i was excited yes, but of course, as the Lord would have it, i'd be going with a group of total strangers (desperate introvert feeling) and i'd have a little less than a month to decide.

i went back and forth on my decision over the next few days and weeks and procrastinated it at best and excused it at worst. and then like many of old hailey decisions it came down to the wire and the answer just snuck up on me.

sometimes things or situations cause us to tighten our grips. you know, fear. nothing has caused this more in me than becoming a momma. it's easier to make excuses now, sometimes they are legitimate, but nonetheless, it's easier to get out of things and to let fear fester. i'm scared to leave my babies. i keep playing the what if games in my head, what if something happened to them or to me? i'm scared to miss something and everything. i'm scared to be away from them. i'm afraid that they might want me or need me and i won't be there. i'm afraid that ten days is too long.

but there's something that i'm even more afraid of, that my soul will not quit wrestling with...

i don't want to wake up one day and realize that i let my excuses, my fears, talk me out of being a living, walking, talking and breathing example to my babies of how to follow Christ. in 1 corinthians 11 paul urges the corinthians to follow his example as he follows Christ. Lord help me be an example worthy of being followed! may my children see your strength and power in me. help me to walk in your spirit and not in weakness or fear!

so yes! please be praying for me and with me friends as this will be a difficult and challenging time. i'm determined to not let satan win! to God be the glory!

-hailey

on vulnerability and motherhood.

one of the things i've realized over time and especially since i've become a mother is how important it is to be vulnerable with others, just simply having open and honest relationships with people can be mind blowing.

like how much you can learn from one another and how you can encourage each other better and i mean where do you go when you need to rant about another blowout diaper and who do you run to for advice on the never ending potty training and the colic and the specifics of the lanolin cream and the pacifier shapes and the breast pumps and the late night feedings etc...etc...

we weren't meant to do it on our own. we can't do it on our own. these two precious babes of mine are a constant reminder of that for me. i cannot do it on my own. just simply cannot do it. and who wants to anyway right? the lyrics "every hour i need You" have never rung more true and i've been so blessed by all the friendships of the mothers that are doing life right "alongside" me.

these days are long and hard, but so so good. we are tired and exhausted. our energy is spent day in and day out building lives. shaping and molding who these little people will become. tucking in, singing songs, wiping noses, brushing teeth, re-putting on and off socks and shoes, making meals, wiping counters, washing hands, holding and rocking, kissing the boo boos, tickling, time-out-ing, repeating and repeating, oh, and loving! loving so so hard with a love that never quits. a love that endures and seeks patience. a love that longs to be slow to anger and quick to listen. a love that lays down life for life. oh, what a love!

vulnerability and motherhood. it's key, people, key.

**special thank you to all the mothers who have been open and vulnerable with me over the years! you are truly a blessing!

"two are better than one...for if they fall, one will lift up his fellow"

"bear one another's burdens"

"as iron sharpens iron"

"therefore encourage one another and build one another up"

"And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near." -Hebrews 10:24-25

happiest of days to you mothers.

the power of the cross.

i'm my own worst enemy sometimes and forgiving myself has got to be one of the most difficult things i struggle with.

some days i feel like a total failure as a mom. i know i'm not perfect, none of us are. but i'm reminded as i sit here today, on this day, Good Friday, that there was only one perfect man and His name is Jesus Christ.

and do you know what He did for me? for you? for all of us? He left His father-the one whom He is One with-in heaven, came to earth, and took all the sins of the whole world and nailed them to the cross with Him when He died. but wait, it doesn't end there! HE ROSE AGAIN! now that's some power!

"but God shows his love for us in that while we were STILL sinners, Christ died for us."

"...because we have concluded this: that one has died for all, therefore all have died; and he died for all, that those who live might no longer live for themselves but for him who for their sake died and was raised. from now on, therefore, we regard no one according to the flesh...in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them...we implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God. for our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God."

"there is no past, present, or future sin of yours that has more power than the cross of Christ."

the blood of Christ washes away all our sins and the power of the Christ sets us free to LIVE! now if the one and only perfect God man can forgive me-why shouldn't i forgive myself?

-sitting here blessed and changed by the power of the cross.

amen!

hope you had a happy Easter!

you are my wild.

when i found out i was having a baby boy in 2011 i was in a bit of a state of shock and disbelief tinged with a hint (or perhaps a lot of hints) of uncertainty. i grew up with only one sister and although i spent the majority of my childhood as a "tomboy" i was scared.

the life and ways of "boy" were uncharted territories for me...

fast forward a couple of years and i cannot imagine my life without him. there's just something about us that's unlike any other thing.

i love all of the things that make him, him, and all of the things that make him, boy. i'm fascinated by him and the way he can transform almost anything into a play gun...straws, rulers, boxes of raisins. the way he prefers to knock things over instead of building things up. how he throws everything and wants to always be outside. his energy. how he has already perfected the sound of shooting or something exploding (i always wondered how they do it, i guess they are just born with it...). his innate sense to fight or protect. how he pretends to be brave when chasing down the "bad guys".

sometimes i can almost feel his need to escape, for adventure, to be free, beating beneath his chest. like an untamed horse, this boy is so perfectly wild and wonderful.

i may not ever fully understand the life and ways of "boy", but it is something i get to marvel at now daily.

what a privilege to be his momma.

i long for Christ to make me as bold and as wild and as free as he is.

he is a beautiful soul.

Tips and Tricks for New Mommies and Daddies-to-Be

// 1 // mattress cover, sheet, mattress cover, sheet. when making the crib do a double layer, that way if there's an accident in the middle of the night you can just strip off the top sheet and mattress cover and voila the bed is already made for you. you'll thank me later i promise :).

// 2 // i hate, HATE, all of those stupid buttons on onesies! if you're off by just one the whole thing turns into a train wreck. one trick that i've found to work is starting with the middle button and working your way out. this will help keep you right on track!

// 3 // use sleep gowns at night. i know it may sound simple, but changing diapers in the middle of the night is already no fun, so make it easier on yourself-put them in a gown! outfits with zero buttons are always a plus in my book :).

// 4 // velcro swaddles. this thing has been a life-saver for us! we've used one for both babies and my mom keeps having to sew it back together because we're using the heck out of it! no more fussing over getting a good swaddle! i mean really, who wants to worry about this at 2 am?! these swaddles do the trick! also, another tip is to velcro the swaddle up when you wash it so it doesn't stick to other items in the laundry.

// 5 // always, i repeat, always carry a burp rag (we prefer cloth diapers) with baby. you never know when you're gonna need one! trust me.

// 6 // have a couple of different "changing stations" in your home. tenley is still sleeping in our room so we have a basket with all the supplies we need (diapers, wipes, lotion, extra pacifiers, diaper rash cream etc) in there and then we also have an area in the living room. this will save you from having to run around looking for things all the time while your baby/babies are screaming at you. i've never experienced this or anything ;).

// 7 // establish a routine early on. tenley has at least one scheduled nap time during the day at 2 pm (during rylan's nap) and we always put her to bed around 9 pm. we do the same things with her every night, i feed her, nick changes her and swaddles her and puts her down with her sound machine (did you know there's an app for that too??) going. she's always awake when we put her down and have read that this is good because it allows the baby to learn to put herself to sleep, but that's up to you.

// 8 // carry an extra change of clothes in your diaper bag. this is self-explanatory i suppose.

// 9 // hand/face wipes for your purse and/or car. i've found this is especially important as your baby gets older. can you say 2 year old messes?!

// 10 // gassy baby?? here's some tips! pumping the legs always seemed to help with ours!

// 11 // need some tunes to soothe your baby that you might actually enjoy as well? check out rockabye baby pandora station!

// 12 // buy gender neutral! i wish i would've thought to do this! baby #1 was a boy and 21 months later baby #2 came along and wouldn't you know it--GIRL! had we not been gifted with or given a decent amount of girl items we would have practically had to start over! we decided that she can make do with a blue bathtub and bumbo though :).

// 13 // let it sink in that all babies are different. what may work for one may not work for another. i had to learn this the hard way. baby #1 super easy, no fuss, but baby #2 was a whole new ball game! so take everyone's advice (cause' you know you're gonna hear it anyway) with a grain of salt and figure out what works for you and your baby.

// 14 // lastly, mommy and daddy-remember that you are a team! give each other some grace and help one another out.

do you have any other tips/tricks? please share in the comments!

23 months rylan.

the twos are really hitting hard these days and it's been a bit rougher on you now that i have to split my time between two kiddos. i'm still fighting to get good quality time with you though, don't worry. some days are easier than others and some days it's really a struggle. i hate that i end up having to occupy you with the ipad or tv while i take care of tenley sometimes, but that's just the reality of life now with two littles. oh, but some days things just jive, you know, and we are back on our time, just me and you. and everything is right in the world.

you are becoming quite the little man with your first real haircut and losing your poochy baby belly (which i'm not too fond of by the way). i was buttoning up a collared shirt on you the other day and all i could think about was you getting dressed for your wedding day. buttoning up your shirt, putting on your tie and jacket, making sure everything fits just right. how am i ever going to let you go? this momma's heart can't take much more of this growing up thing.

some of our favorite sayings of yours right now: "tenwey" aka tenley, "mick time" aka milk time, "ssssnack??"-shakes head yes, "sit me"-sit with me, "wub you"-love you, "see you, bye", "come on!", "vee"-wee,  and listening to you say the alphabet is the absolute best thing on the planet.

almost every time we drop you off at church or the gym lately someone comments on how smart you are or how many words you know. we think you're the bee's knees kid and i think you know it.

love you forever,

momma

revision.

oh my has the Lord been working on this ugly heart of mine lately!

it's crazy how He strategically uses marriage and parenthood to shape us, to draw to the surface all the impurities in our lives. well, let me tell you, baby girl is already being used by God in a mighty way to shape this momma!

unlike rylan, miss tenley seems to be quite the challenge for mommy and daddy (sorry tenley!) and with these challenges the "pot" has been stirred.

these stirrings have led to convictions: oh how simple it is to love when things are easy and how effortless it is to be happy on the good days.

ouch.

i'm reading in Ecclesiastes and today i read this:

"In the day of prosperity be happy, but in the day of adversity consider-God has made the one as well as the other"

i'm praying for lots of things these days and i'm glad to be reminded of how much i need Him again. as a momma, my prayers are largely for my kiddos, but i've realized that all the things i'm praying for them start with me. it's almost like God was saying, "you want them to be patient, YOU gotta be patient. you want them to have self control, YOU gotta have self control".

that being said and with all the self reflection going on over here, i've been given a new "vision" for this space of mine. things aren't always easy as a mom, life is tough and i just want to be real. i just want to share my life and encourage. yes, this place is mostly a love spot for my babies and for all of our memories, but my hope is also that somehow i could build up mothers along the way.

i'm praying for all you mothers (and "not-yet" mothers) out there to find contentment in the hard days as well as the easy ones.

Rylan: 21 months

i have to say it even though i'm sure i've said it with every month that goes by, but you at this age has got to be my piece of the pie. you know, all the good stuff mixed up together into one big ol' perfectly messy slice of heaven with a dollop of ice cream. can't beat it. (and why on earth am i talking about pie?? pie? i don't even really like pie. oh, but find the right one-oh then it's on ;)

first i'd like to say congratulations on being such a fabulous big brother-minus the soccer ball to the head incident-we're still working on it, but you're doing great, just great. right now you kind of just do your own thing, but you do like to share your stickers and legos with baby sister and it's precious. i can't wait to watch you two as you grow and start playing together. i'm certain my heart will burst :)

we haven't gotten to go to "mrs. baker's class" much with the new addition to the family, but i'd have to say it's one of your favorite things to do. we put on your "pack pack" and head to the office aka 'classroom' and i introduce myself and help you find a seat. we color, practice numbers and letters, hammer, play with magnets, read, sing, look at old pictures of mommy and daddy, and sort shapes. you've been learning letters so well and you love pointing them out to us-a couple of your favorites are 'W' and 'H'. i think we may need to work a bit more on your numbers though since you like to say "2, 4, 8, 4" before you jump instead of "1, 2, 3, jump". i almost don't want to work with you more on it though because 1. it's obviously adorable and 2. duh, "2, 4, 8, 4" sounds waaaay better ;).

one of my favorite things is being able to hold your hand as we walk, just swinging our arms, the perfect height together.  another one is how you hold your hand out for me to hold it while your riding in your wagon, too much, you are just too much kid.

oh and music. you LOVE music. annnnd singing and dancing. when we have our phones out you always ask for "mewsic". the other night you were in bed and we could hear you singing, "roll over, roll over" from the song 'ten in the bed'. we're certain that we need to catch your singing on video for when you become a big star one day ;)

you love being outside so it's a little bittersweet as the colder weather is coming in this year-but fall you are my favorite! you love bubbles and chalk. riding in your wagon, running, and yelling. last night we were outside playing pretty late and it somehow became a night i want to remember forever. just simple things. i could watch over and over again the way that you chased the bubbles, i still see the one that landed on your cheek. i could listen to your laughter and sweet voice echoing through the shadows on repeat and to kiss your face as we looked up at the moon and the stars. there you are, a memory, my precious little boy spinning in circles with so much joy, just as free as God planned. stay this way forever baby.

love always,
momma

a birth story: "she's got rolls!"

that's probably the first thing i heard.

"she's got rolls!"

followed shortly by, "look at all that hair!"

i remember thinking-is that really her?

i guess i expected you to look a little more like your brother.

but there you were with the blackest of black hair, rolls for days and the biggest eyes i've ever seen.

........

it was a monday, my last visit before i was to be induced that thursday. turns out i was dilated to 5 cm and 90% effaced. my nurse practitioner claimed that if i was 6-7 cm they would have me go straight to the hospital. however, after asking how far we live from the hospital (40 minutes) she left to chat with the doctor. the next thing i know my doctor is telling me it's my call if i want to have the baby today or wait until thursday. 

after freaking out for a few, we finally decided to head to the hospital. i took rylan to a friend's house while nick finished packing our bags. we made it to the hospital around 12:45-1:00 pm.

and just like last time, i was rushed in and hooked up (that darn blood pressure cuff!).

(last pic as the three musketeers)

around 1:50 pm my water was broke and there was meconium, poor baby girl-good choice on going to the hospital today says my doctor :)

2:30 pm i got my epidural. 

at 4:00 pm i was dilated to 7 cm.

at 4:35 pm i was 10 cm.

my doctor had somewhere to be that evening and had actually already said her goodbyes to us (which i was bummed about since she delivered rylan) because she wasn't expecting me to have the baby so fast. but for a second time we proved them wrong! i got my doctor in the middle of the shift change!

i pushed for about 15-20 minutes and let me tell you, those last few minutes were the most excruciating minutes of my life. apparently my epidural didn't work too well. i kept telling the nurses that i could still feel my legs and feet and they reassured me that it was fine. i assure you that i was not. my family could hear me screaming down the hall. when rylan was born i didn't feel a thing or hardly make a peep. i'm listening to my instincts next time. oy...

good thing she came fast! my doctor said her head didn't even have time to shape in the canal-it was perfectly round and my tailbone will be in recovery for weeks for it!

at 5:09 pm on September 16th we welcomed Tenley Lane Baker into the world. 7 lbs 7 oz and 19 in. 

black hair, rolls, double chin, and the biggest, brightest, bluest eyes in all of oklahoma.

i still can't say for sure who you look like or who you act like for that matter. i've been calling you 'weird girl'...i know, i know i'm a terrible parent! but you are so different from your brother-you hate your arms swaddled, you weren't a fan of the paci for awhile, you're a restless sleeper and your cry is drama-filled! i have a strange feeling we are in for it with you! your daddy says you are like me though so i guess that makes two weird girls :)

can't wait to get to know you more Tenley Lane.

she's here!

Welcome to the world miss Tenley!

9/16/13

5:09 pm

7lbs 7oz

19in

We are all doing great!

birth story coming soon!

your biggest fan.

yesterday i cried like a baby.

all because of this video.

i was imagining all the simple sweet moments i've had with just rylan and i. little kisses, laughs and hugs. times spent cuddled up real close while i twirl your hair, watching you dance in your pj's and holding your hand as you discover the world. there's been nothing more beautiful than getting to be front row and center at your show. i am your biggest fan. always and forever. don't you forget it my little man.

we only have about 2 weeks left as just the two (or three with daddy :) of us. i keep wondering if this is our last night together before our little family is forever changed. don't get me wrong-i'm so happy to welcome our little lady. i'm just trying to savor this moment in time, taste, see, smell, soak it up for all it's worth-'cause i know it's worth a fortune.

so here's to ry & i and our time as solely us. may you stay this sweet and curious with wonder in your eyes and never forget our season spent growing and learning together in grace and love as a mother and a son. you are my wild thing and i am your safe place.

love always,
-your biggest fan-

momma

right around the corner.

so i'm just sitting here, all 37 *almost* weeks of me and i thought i'd share how things are going over here lately.

on a positive note, our house is coming along nicely. just a few more details to work through and on to baby girl's room..

what? what's that? -oh yea, we haven't tackled her room yet. and her name..yea still working on that, but we're getting close! thank God for Labor Day coming up this weekend-we're planning to get lots done, that is if little lady decides to let us ;). going into labor on Labor Day could make for an interesting story though. am i right?

annnnd it might be good if we actually packed our hospital bags too.

hey, at least we've cleaned rylan's old car seat and will be able to take her home with us when she comes ;)

on another positive note, we got a little giddy yesterday after my doctor appointment. i'm already dilated to a 3 and 70% effaced! but who knows what that really means, it could be today or it could be two weeks. so we're just sitting on pins and needles now!

we're ready little lady even if we're not "technically" ready!

what to pack-hospital style: baby edition.

so...even though i've made our "idea collages" for what we need to pack...we still haven't done it. 

4 weeks left y'all.

and her name isn't officially decided either.

doh.

i feel so much more behind compared to last time.

did we miss anything for the baby?

i'm so glad the hospital provides diapers and wipes for a couple days :)

say a prayer that we get everything done soon!

what to pack-hospital style: daddy edition.

i think we have daddy covered other than some unmentionables ;)

what to pack-hospital style: momma edition.

you guys, it's that time again.

yep. time to pack the hospital bags. we've only got 6 weeks left!!!!!! (can you tell i'm a teensy bit excited??)
so here goes nothing-let's pack my bag!

what are some of your hospital must haves? am i forgetting anything?? i feel like i'm learning all over again!

from baseballs and blue to pink and bows...

i hate to admit it, but the pink is kind of growing on me.

if you know me then you know i'm not the girliest of girls. in fact, i might have never touched a barbie doll if it weren't for my little sister. she was always the one wearing "princess crowns" and putting on mom's high heels. i, on the other hand, was too busy getting scars from playing with my favorite neighbor boys and now i absolutely cannot wait to pass on my TMNT collection to rylan.

but what can ya' do? God knows i need to learn how to french braid and i've always loved a good pedicure. (can someone please for the love of all womanhood show me how to french braid? those pinterest tutorials are no good!)

anyway, we've been acquiring "the pink" for a couple of months now. we lucked out by having a niece so close to rylan's age-yay for gently used clothes! we got the crib set up last weekend, but are still on the search for a few more items-double stroller...what?? oh yea and ry needs a convertible car seat (perfect timing kid!). let's not even go there on little lady's name...talk about afraid of commitment! phuh! we've still got 9 weeks...right?

oh and what's that??....i can already hear the cries of the "second child syndrome"-"mom, why isn't my baby book finished?", "mom, why are there sooooo many pictures of rylan?"..."mom..". can we just blame daddy on this one for a second? i mean he's the one that's a second child, shouldn't he have the sympathy? this first born momma says, "that's life kid." ;)

so, what about blue bows?

great compromise right? :)

a little, or not so little, baby bump catch up.

yea, i think to say "little" here would definitely be an understatement, but let's just run with it folks. our "little" lady has got me expanding at unnatural rates as of late. and the statement "about to pop" comes to mind. and yes i'm as tired as i look in the photos. so let's just pretend for a moment that i'm all sorts of rested up, that there's no such thing as late night potty breaks and that my hip pain and nausea are a thing of the past! hip-hip-hooray!

i've been thinking a lot lately about pregnancy and woah!-has it given me eternal perspective on life. i'm trying to focus on the end goal here-holding my newborn baby will make it all worth it and i see this playing out in life too. keeping myself focused on eternity and "finishing well". HE will be my inheritance.

"forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, i strain to reach the end of the race and receive the prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us up to heaven."

-Philippians 3:14

"I have fought the good fight, I have finished the course, I have kept the faith."

-2 Timothy 4:7

the day i became a mother.

there is no day like this day.

although i am anxiously awaiting the arrival of my little girl in september and i'm sure that day will be just as sweet, there is something to be said about the day i became a mother.

it all began the day that i found out about you. i started my journey to motherhood that day. you see it's somewhat of a process-becoming a mother, it doesn't just happen overnight and there's always room to grow.

but maybe it began before all of that. maybe it was just even the thought of you. like the time your daddy and i were looking for our wedding reception site and we were dreaming of little blonde babies (ok maybe that was just me, but whatever).

maybe it happened slowly over the first few years of marriage, all the talks, the hopes, the dreams and prayers. or maybe in the long months spent waiting to meet you as you grew within my body.

i'm not certain where exactly it all began, but what i do know is that i was a mother that day. and as i held you in my arms and looked upon your face for the first time something in me was changed forever,

and your life became bigger than mine.

and all of a sudden,
i became a mother.