December 18, 2012

our adoption story. part 2.

read part 1 here.

the idea of having two babies didn't last long though. in june we received a call that the birth mother was in labor (2-3 weeks early). the birth parents wanted us at the hospital. did i mention that they lived in another state and that we literally had nothing for the baby? oh yeah, true story. so we hurried to the closest baby store and bought the one thing we needed most, a car seat, to bring the baby home.

then we began our 4 1/2 hour drive. i've commented before on my utter disdain for movies where everything goes wrong, well, it seemed as if we had entered one of them. we were already looking at arriving around 10 pm or so when we got a flat tire. yep. that's right, a flat tire. luckily we have some amazing friends that lived nearby and they offered to switch cars with us and even got us a new tire! what a blessing!

it was now approaching midnight as we pulled up to the hospital. all sorts of nervousness and anxiety loomed over us. and i, being 3 months pregnant, was experiencing some fun "night sickness". we rode up the elevator and were finally face to face with the birth parents. they seemed to be fairly happy and we all chatted like normal. part of the "hospital plan" was that we would keep the baby over night while the birth parents would have him during the day until it was time to sign the papers.

so we met him. he was so tiny and cute. he had his daddy's nose. but there was always this sense in me that he wasn't mine. maybe it was God's way of protecting me or maybe i was just scared. plus i spent the first half of the night puking in the bathroom.

with all that was going on with me, i got to see what an amazing father nick was going to be. he stayed up all night with the baby. i woke several times to him singing and rocking him. it was beautiful.

insert one minor detail *we had not completed our home study*. we could not leave the hospital with the baby until we had done so. the next morning we said our goodbyes to the baby and headed back home to complete the process. little did we know this would be the last time we'd ever see him.

on our way home we received a call from the agency director. she said that the birth mother was struggling with her decision about the adoption. we were told to stay home until we heard anything further. sadness filled the car. we knew this was a possibility, but really, that wasn't going to happen to us. or would it?

we finished our home study and continued on our emotional roller coaster. we were told to come back to the area and wait for her final decision.

so we made the drive back down and went to lunch trying to distract ourselves in any way possible, but nothing was working. after lunch, we stopped at a book store where i bought Baby Wise and began reading it. the whole time we were sick to our stomachs and praying to find out soon. the wait was killing us.

then it was finally time. the director and another girl who worked for the agency showed up to talk to us. i began sobbing. they had decided to parent. i remember gathering up my words to say how i would always worry about him.

time does heal. we spent a couple of days with our friends that were in the area and then took the rest of the week off work. i do still think of baby "H" often. when i found out that they named him the name that we had chosen for him, i cried. little does he know that he was named after a famous missionary and that he still has a couple of people praying just that for his life.

i cannot say for certain why God took us on this little venture, but what i do know is that our relationship with Him and each other grew bounds.

i'm also so thankful to God for giving me rylan to help ease the pain. i cannot imagine how much more difficult it would have been on me without my little man. thank you God for the blessing of his life. and what perfect timing.

though our adoption story may not have ended perfectly, i know i serve a faithful and all-knowing God.  His plans are always better than mine and all He asks is that i obediently follow Him.


  1. Amazing Story!!! And Im sure a very hard one to write... bravo for putting it out there... Give Rylan an extra big hug and rejoice in the fact that God had a special plan for your family!

  2. My husband and I have plans to adopt. We are just now researching all of the steps. Thank you so much for sharing your story.

  3. Awe dear...thank you for sharing this. It is heartbreaking but his plans are definitely more then we can ever expect.

  4. Wow. You are brave. Thank you for sharing this with us. I'm finding out daily that through these hard times it is when we grow the most. Why can't it be in the good and happy times? ;) I have no doubt that the Lord placed you and your husband in those peoples lives for a reason. Even still, I am deeply sorry for your pain and loss. I cannot even imagine. You have an amazing heart. and yes. Praise GOD for sweet Rylan.

  5. Wow, this was so heartbreaking and encouraging at the same time. SO glad you have little Rylan with you today!

  6. I read the first part yesterday and it brought tears to my eyes knowing there was a sad ending but after reading this, I'm no longer sad. (Upset for you guys that you went through the sadness of not getting to keep him but I instantly thought the child had passed and that would have been much more tragic and sad. You said that they look like normal people, I pray that the child is happy and healthy and that they made the right choice by keeping him. God works in mysterious ways, and baby Rylan is exactly that.

    There is a reason you all had to go through that and the heartbreak of not getting to adopt the child but so did the parents wanting to give their son up, maybe they had to go through that too just to know exactly how much they love that baby and couldn't possibly give him up.

    God bless you and your family for going through that and coming out stronger at the end.


  7. I have to tell myself that everyday. God's plan is greater than mine. Let go and let God.

  8. I love your heart for adoption! Thanks for sharing this story...even though it is painful.

  9. I absolutely love this post. I could not stop reading it. You are a strong woman, and I love to find good christian women on blogger! God bless you, honey. And way to see the positive in everything! That's AWESOME.

  10. This story breaks my heart. I am so sorry you had to go through such a difficult time. To invest your heart in an adoption is no different than the way you invest your heart in your baby while pregnant. Thank you so much for sharing such a vulnerable story. I'm so glad you have Ry at the end of it all : ) Your family is so adorable and just how God planned it to be.

  11. Wow, that is quite a journey! Thanks for sharing, it's not always easy to put yourself out there esp when it doesn't have a happy ending. Happy to have found your blog, looking forward to reading more :)

  12. Amazing, amazing, amazing. Thank you for sharing it. My husband and I shortly found out after the birth of our first that we won't be able to have any more children outside of adoption. In some weird way, I think your story has helped prepare me for the roller coaster that is yet to come in our life. Thank you.

  13. Thank you for sharing. I am blessed to have adopted two beautiful babies (Colt is almost 4 and Lilly just turned 2) Colt's was a beautigul adoption and Lilly's was one of the most difficult journeys we have ever been on. In June Lilly's birth mom came to us with another baby that we gladly welcomed. S was for weeks old when she came to us. I was in love. She was perfect. Just 2 weeks later the birth mom changed her mind and took her back. We have not seen or heard from her since. This is one of the most difficult things I have ever lived through. I ache for her daily. I pray for her a hundred times a day. In my heart she will always be our baby. Adoption can be the most wonderful, beautiful, amazing, horrible, heart breaking things that you will go through. But it is worth it! Thank you for sharing.

  14. Wow, thank you for sharing! I am encouraged to see how God was faithful in making you both stronger during this whole difficult process!