read part 1 here.
the idea of having two babies didn't last long though. in june we received a call that the birth mother was in labor (2-3 weeks early). the birth parents wanted us at the hospital. did i mention that they lived in another state and that we literally had nothing for the baby? oh yeah, true story. so we hurried to the closest baby store and bought the one thing we needed most, a car seat, to bring the baby home.
then we began our 4 1/2 hour drive. i've commented before on my utter disdain for movies where everything goes wrong, well, it seemed as if we had entered one of them. we were already looking at arriving around 10 pm or so when we got a flat tire. yep. that's right, a flat tire. luckily we have some amazing friends that lived nearby and they offered to switch cars with us and even got us a new tire! what a blessing!
it was now approaching midnight as we pulled up to the hospital. all sorts of nervousness and anxiety loomed over us. and i, being 3 months pregnant, was experiencing some fun "night sickness". we rode up the elevator and were finally face to face with the birth parents. they seemed to be fairly happy and we all chatted like normal. part of the "hospital plan" was that we would keep the baby over night while the birth parents would have him during the day until it was time to sign the papers.
so we met him. he was so tiny and cute. he had his daddy's nose. but there was always this sense in me that he wasn't mine. maybe it was God's way of protecting me or maybe i was just scared. plus i spent the first half of the night puking in the bathroom.
with all that was going on with me, i got to see what an amazing father nick was going to be. he stayed up all night with the baby. i woke several times to him singing and rocking him. it was beautiful.
insert one minor detail *we had not completed our home study*. we could not leave the hospital with the baby until we had done so. the next morning we said our goodbyes to the baby and headed back home to complete the process. little did we know this would be the last time we'd ever see him.
on our way home we received a call from the agency director. she said that the birth mother was struggling with her decision about the adoption. we were told to stay home until we heard anything further. sadness filled the car. we knew this was a possibility, but really, that wasn't going to happen to us. or would it?
we finished our home study and continued on our emotional roller coaster. we were told to come back to the area and wait for her final decision.
so we made the drive back down and went to lunch trying to distract ourselves in any way possible, but nothing was working. after lunch, we stopped at a book store where i bought Baby Wise and began reading it. the whole time we were sick to our stomachs and praying to find out soon. the wait was killing us.
then it was finally time. the director and another girl who worked for the agency showed up to talk to us. i began sobbing. they had decided to parent. i remember gathering up my words to say how i would always worry about him.
time does heal. we spent a couple of days with our friends that were in the area and then took the rest of the week off work. i do still think of baby "H" often. when i found out that they named him the name that we had chosen for him, i cried. little does he know that he was named after a famous missionary and that he still has a couple of people praying just that for his life.
i cannot say for certain why God took us on this little venture, but what i do know is that our relationship with Him and each other grew bounds.
i'm also so thankful to God for giving me rylan to help ease the pain. i cannot imagine how much more difficult it would have been on me without my little man. thank you God for the blessing of his life. and what perfect timing.
though our adoption story may not have ended perfectly, i know i serve a faithful and all-knowing God. His plans are always better than mine and all He asks is that i obediently follow Him.