3 months tenley.

tenley girl, you still have us on the edge of our seats over here! something's always changing-never the same old boring routine with you! one day the swing is a big hit and the next...not so much. sometimes you'll take your paci...and, well, for the most part you just chew on it a bit and spit it out (i think you'd prefer your hand, pointer finger or thumb, but we're trying to avoid it). what seems to work one day most likely won't mean biscuits tomorrow. we like to refer to you as our "high needs child" :).

there are a few things that we are very certain of though:

-you DESPISE the car seat
-you CANNOT STAND being alone (hence, all the meals spent holding you at the dinner table while trying to scarf down chicken nuggets, chug a Dr. Pepper, and attempting to control rylan's graceful eating habits all with one hand)
-you are sensitive
-you are emotional
-you are not afraid to voice your opinion (trust me we've heard it a million times and yes, loud and clear)
-you like to sleep with a blanket over your face (we're keeping an eye on you with this one)
-you are a night owl like your momma-you always seem to want to talk the most when we're getting you ready for bed
-you're a daddy's girl (sure, you like me too, but i see the way your eyes light up when you look at him, and i wouldn't have it any other way :)

you're still not a fan of tummy time, but have become a bit more interested in touching your toys. rylan has been helping me try to get you to play!

we've gotten a few good laughs out of you (daddy gets the best ones!), but you are a tough one to crack!

just recently you learned how to blow raspberries and i must say it's adorable.

you are eating every 3 hours, go to bed at 9 pm and usually give us about 7-8 hours before you need to eat again. daddy puts you to bed at night and you go to sleep pretty easily.

we love watching you learn and grow and i can't get enough of your sweet face :)

looking forward to another month with you.

love you forever,

momma

2 months tenley.

oh tenley girl, can i just say things are starting to look up with you! now, don't get me wrong, you are still by no means an easy baby, but we're coming right along you and me.

we've finally figured out that your tummy causes most of your fussiness and by most i mean 80% of the time, the other 20% can be chalked up to the fact that you never want to be alone. yep. you're a snuggler. the other day we were all bundled up together and your little hand had the tightest grip on my shirt as if you were pleading me to stay with you forever. so i stayed there and studied your perfect little pouty lip and button nose and traced my finger along your chubby cheeks that seem to take up the majority of your tiny face. yeah, there's nothing better than this.

you're a pretty fidgety little sleeper and the sound machine is your best friend. i'm sure you will be wearing ear plugs one day just like mommy ;). we've been putting you to bed around 9 pm lately and you usually give us at least 6 hours of sleep. we're hoping you will move to 8 hour stretches soon-mommy and daddy need more sleep baby girl!

you've started talking to us more this month and have been smiling like crazy! it brings your daddy and i so much joy and we make fools of ourselves trying to get you to show us your dimples! they're the sweetest dimples i've ever seen too by the way.

you have taught me so much in your short two months. things that i hate to see in myself, things that i didn't even know were there, things that God is now working on in me and for that i am eternally grateful. you are my biggest sanctifier little one. you have drawn me closer to the Lord and i'm falling more in love with you every day.

love you forever,

momma

one month tenley.

so i hate to say this, but i guess my epidural not working should have been a sign of what was to come-you are one tough cookie smookie little lady! a mystery baby! one day you despise being swaddled and the next it's your heavenly place. one day you're spitting out your paci in disgust and the next you're madder than a wet hen without it. to say you're a bit of a drama queen is the superlative of all understatements, but hey you're a baby and what not so live it up and YOLO and YOABO (you're only a baby once) and all that stuff right? i mean when else is it ok to scream at the top of your lungs for 30 minutes straight? i say never, but who's asking? here's your shot.

you seem to have some super strong baby powers or something because you've been lifting your head since the day you were born and you're already pretty much rolling over. one of your finest moments was letting me sleep six hours straight for my birthday! way to go! now can we start making this a habit? mommy and daddy are tired ;).

one of rylan's favorite things right now is for us to play chase ("get-choo" he says) so the other day you and i did just that! i don't want you to grow up too fast, but i cannot wait to watch you two running around together!

i'm still trying to figure out this TWO baby thing, but we're alive and well. here's to another month!

love you little lady,

momma

revision.

oh my has the Lord been working on this ugly heart of mine lately!

it's crazy how He strategically uses marriage and parenthood to shape us, to draw to the surface all the impurities in our lives. well, let me tell you, baby girl is already being used by God in a mighty way to shape this momma!

unlike rylan, miss tenley seems to be quite the challenge for mommy and daddy (sorry tenley!) and with these challenges the "pot" has been stirred.

these stirrings have led to convictions: oh how simple it is to love when things are easy and how effortless it is to be happy on the good days.

ouch.

i'm reading in Ecclesiastes and today i read this:

"In the day of prosperity be happy, but in the day of adversity consider-God has made the one as well as the other"

i'm praying for lots of things these days and i'm glad to be reminded of how much i need Him again. as a momma, my prayers are largely for my kiddos, but i've realized that all the things i'm praying for them start with me. it's almost like God was saying, "you want them to be patient, YOU gotta be patient. you want them to have self control, YOU gotta have self control".

that being said and with all the self reflection going on over here, i've been given a new "vision" for this space of mine. things aren't always easy as a mom, life is tough and i just want to be real. i just want to share my life and encourage. yes, this place is mostly a love spot for my babies and for all of our memories, but my hope is also that somehow i could build up mothers along the way.

i'm praying for all you mothers (and "not-yet" mothers) out there to find contentment in the hard days as well as the easy ones.

a birth story: "she's got rolls!"

that's probably the first thing i heard.

"she's got rolls!"

followed shortly by, "look at all that hair!"

i remember thinking-is that really her?

i guess i expected you to look a little more like your brother.

but there you were with the blackest of black hair, rolls for days and the biggest eyes i've ever seen.

........

it was a monday, my last visit before i was to be induced that thursday. turns out i was dilated to 5 cm and 90% effaced. my nurse practitioner claimed that if i was 6-7 cm they would have me go straight to the hospital. however, after asking how far we live from the hospital (40 minutes) she left to chat with the doctor. the next thing i know my doctor is telling me it's my call if i want to have the baby today or wait until thursday. 

after freaking out for a few, we finally decided to head to the hospital. i took rylan to a friend's house while nick finished packing our bags. we made it to the hospital around 12:45-1:00 pm.

and just like last time, i was rushed in and hooked up (that darn blood pressure cuff!).

(last pic as the three musketeers)

around 1:50 pm my water was broke and there was meconium, poor baby girl-good choice on going to the hospital today says my doctor :)

2:30 pm i got my epidural. 

at 4:00 pm i was dilated to 7 cm.

at 4:35 pm i was 10 cm.

my doctor had somewhere to be that evening and had actually already said her goodbyes to us (which i was bummed about since she delivered rylan) because she wasn't expecting me to have the baby so fast. but for a second time we proved them wrong! i got my doctor in the middle of the shift change!

i pushed for about 15-20 minutes and let me tell you, those last few minutes were the most excruciating minutes of my life. apparently my epidural didn't work too well. i kept telling the nurses that i could still feel my legs and feet and they reassured me that it was fine. i assure you that i was not. my family could hear me screaming down the hall. when rylan was born i didn't feel a thing or hardly make a peep. i'm listening to my instincts next time. oy...

good thing she came fast! my doctor said her head didn't even have time to shape in the canal-it was perfectly round and my tailbone will be in recovery for weeks for it!

at 5:09 pm on September 16th we welcomed Tenley Lane Baker into the world. 7 lbs 7 oz and 19 in. 

black hair, rolls, double chin, and the biggest, brightest, bluest eyes in all of oklahoma.

i still can't say for sure who you look like or who you act like for that matter. i've been calling you 'weird girl'...i know, i know i'm a terrible parent! but you are so different from your brother-you hate your arms swaddled, you weren't a fan of the paci for awhile, you're a restless sleeper and your cry is drama-filled! i have a strange feeling we are in for it with you! your daddy says you are like me though so i guess that makes two weird girls :)

can't wait to get to know you more Tenley Lane.

she's here!

Welcome to the world miss Tenley!

9/16/13

5:09 pm

7lbs 7oz

19in

We are all doing great!

birth story coming soon!

your biggest fan.

yesterday i cried like a baby.

all because of this video.

i was imagining all the simple sweet moments i've had with just rylan and i. little kisses, laughs and hugs. times spent cuddled up real close while i twirl your hair, watching you dance in your pj's and holding your hand as you discover the world. there's been nothing more beautiful than getting to be front row and center at your show. i am your biggest fan. always and forever. don't you forget it my little man.

we only have about 2 weeks left as just the two (or three with daddy :) of us. i keep wondering if this is our last night together before our little family is forever changed. don't get me wrong-i'm so happy to welcome our little lady. i'm just trying to savor this moment in time, taste, see, smell, soak it up for all it's worth-'cause i know it's worth a fortune.

so here's to ry & i and our time as solely us. may you stay this sweet and curious with wonder in your eyes and never forget our season spent growing and learning together in grace and love as a mother and a son. you are my wild thing and i am your safe place.

love always,
-your biggest fan-

momma

right around the corner.

so i'm just sitting here, all 37 *almost* weeks of me and i thought i'd share how things are going over here lately.

on a positive note, our house is coming along nicely. just a few more details to work through and on to baby girl's room..

what? what's that? -oh yea, we haven't tackled her room yet. and her name..yea still working on that, but we're getting close! thank God for Labor Day coming up this weekend-we're planning to get lots done, that is if little lady decides to let us ;). going into labor on Labor Day could make for an interesting story though. am i right?

annnnd it might be good if we actually packed our hospital bags too.

hey, at least we've cleaned rylan's old car seat and will be able to take her home with us when she comes ;)

on another positive note, we got a little giddy yesterday after my doctor appointment. i'm already dilated to a 3 and 70% effaced! but who knows what that really means, it could be today or it could be two weeks. so we're just sitting on pins and needles now!

we're ready little lady even if we're not "technically" ready!

what to pack-hospital style: baby edition.

so...even though i've made our "idea collages" for what we need to pack...we still haven't done it. 

4 weeks left y'all.

and her name isn't officially decided either.

doh.

i feel so much more behind compared to last time.

did we miss anything for the baby?

i'm so glad the hospital provides diapers and wipes for a couple days :)

say a prayer that we get everything done soon!

what to pack-hospital style: daddy edition.

i think we have daddy covered other than some unmentionables ;)

what to pack-hospital style: momma edition.

you guys, it's that time again.

yep. time to pack the hospital bags. we've only got 6 weeks left!!!!!! (can you tell i'm a teensy bit excited??)
so here goes nothing-let's pack my bag!

what are some of your hospital must haves? am i forgetting anything?? i feel like i'm learning all over again!

from baseballs and blue to pink and bows...

i hate to admit it, but the pink is kind of growing on me.

if you know me then you know i'm not the girliest of girls. in fact, i might have never touched a barbie doll if it weren't for my little sister. she was always the one wearing "princess crowns" and putting on mom's high heels. i, on the other hand, was too busy getting scars from playing with my favorite neighbor boys and now i absolutely cannot wait to pass on my TMNT collection to rylan.

but what can ya' do? God knows i need to learn how to french braid and i've always loved a good pedicure. (can someone please for the love of all womanhood show me how to french braid? those pinterest tutorials are no good!)

anyway, we've been acquiring "the pink" for a couple of months now. we lucked out by having a niece so close to rylan's age-yay for gently used clothes! we got the crib set up last weekend, but are still on the search for a few more items-double stroller...what?? oh yea and ry needs a convertible car seat (perfect timing kid!). let's not even go there on little lady's name...talk about afraid of commitment! phuh! we've still got 9 weeks...right?

oh and what's that??....i can already hear the cries of the "second child syndrome"-"mom, why isn't my baby book finished?", "mom, why are there sooooo many pictures of rylan?"..."mom..". can we just blame daddy on this one for a second? i mean he's the one that's a second child, shouldn't he have the sympathy? this first born momma says, "that's life kid." ;)

so, what about blue bows?

great compromise right? :)

remembering God's faithfulness/the scare.

you ever have those moments where all of a sudden you're brought to tears?

i did today.

this happens on occasion for me pregnancy hormones or not.

i was remembering God's faithfulness.

side note: i get so frustrated sometimes at the Israelites and all the times they forget about God's faithfulness to them-i mean c'mon He parted the red sea for you guys for crying out loud! and yet we do the same thing.

but i'm thankful when i have these moments and am brought to tears remembering God's faithfulness to us.

you see this pregnancy hasn't been easy. at about 11-12 weeks we had a major scare. that morning i went in to the hospital with nick and rylan for routine blood work. afterwards, we ran a couple of errands and then headed home. i was having some cramping, but didn't really think anything of it. once we pulled into the garage i stood up to get out of the car and i felt a gush of something. -now those of you who have been pregnant know about the occasional bladder control issues so i was thinking maybe that was my problem and quickly made my way to the bathroom.

red was all i saw.

my heart sank. i began repeating to myself over and over again, "this isn't happening, this isn't happening". i yelled for nick. and i could tell by his face that he was crushed too because there's no way you have that much blood loss and everything be ok when you're pregnant.

i quickly rinsed off in the shower and we made our way back to the hospital. we prayed anyway.

we were taken back to a room after what seemed like an eternity and i had more blood work done. finally an ultrasound. we expected the worst, but prayed for the best. then we saw our baby. and the doctor said (she) was ok. we couldn't believe our ears. nick literally asked the doctor to repeat himself. and then we cried.

God was faithful. God is faithful.

and now at almost 30 weeks i am thankful. thankful that we've made it this far and for every little kick. i'm just waiting and longing for the day that i see her face and touch her skin because it will be that much sweeter.

thank you Lord for her life.
we can't wait to meet her.

(rylan and i)

a little, or not so little, baby bump catch up.

yea, i think to say "little" here would definitely be an understatement, but let's just run with it folks. our "little" lady has got me expanding at unnatural rates as of late. and the statement "about to pop" comes to mind. and yes i'm as tired as i look in the photos. so let's just pretend for a moment that i'm all sorts of rested up, that there's no such thing as late night potty breaks and that my hip pain and nausea are a thing of the past! hip-hip-hooray!

i've been thinking a lot lately about pregnancy and woah!-has it given me eternal perspective on life. i'm trying to focus on the end goal here-holding my newborn baby will make it all worth it and i see this playing out in life too. keeping myself focused on eternity and "finishing well". HE will be my inheritance.

"forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, i strain to reach the end of the race and receive the prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us up to heaven."

-Philippians 3:14

"I have fought the good fight, I have finished the course, I have kept the faith."

-2 Timothy 4:7

some things i learned over the weekend, like how to get crayon off the walls, oh and i have a toddler.

so this weekend was a little busted and filled with things that we have to do rather than what we or i would like to be doing, ie. swimming. i could spend days at the pool just swimming my little heart out, heck, i could swim these next 3 months of pregnancy away in a snap.

but duty calls and so does nesting.

we literally have only about 14 weekends left til our little lady joins us and we're still working on getting the house in order, not to mention the baby's room has turned into the "take to goodwill" storage room.

anywho, i'm supposed to be telling you guys what i learned this weekend right?

first things first, i hate having to have rules about everything with rylan. for instance, we've started coloring. sounds so simple right? wrong. i have to make up 15 rules or more just to sit down to color with him. you know like, "no running around with the crayons!" or "no you don't need to have 50 crayons in your hand at once." and my favorite "don't put that in your mouth, yucky.". blah blah blah fun ruiners is what they are.

well one of my dreaded crayon fears took place for the first time in our brand new house...ry wrote on the wall. granted it wasn't that bad, but this obsessive compulsive type momma had a slight panic attack and started googling how to remove it immediately. and thank heavens for all you "experienced" out there-i found one trick that worked like a charm!

blow dryer + liquid dish soap.

hallelujah!

you just hold the blow dryer on the marks for a few seconds to heat up the wax and it wipes right off with the liquid dish soap!

i feel so smart ;).

onward to the good stuff >>

i think it finally hit me this weekend that rylan is in pretty much full blown toddler mode. maybe it was when he took off across the parking lot and tripped and somehow managed to skid his face from nose to forehead on the pavement or maybe when he just randomly asks at dinner one night, "where's bob bob?" (aka spongebob) or maybe the recent development of him taking his diaper off and asking to go "poo poo" then sitting on his little potty and doing nada over and over again. i'm not sure, but all the signs of toddlerhood are there in all their glory.

and i can't help but feel happy and sad all at once.

it's just amazing how fast rylan has grown and changed these past 17 months. today i was watching him while he was eating his lunch and i just looked into his eyes and couldn't believe those were the same eyes i looked into the day i became a mother.

what a precious soul he is.

happy monday.

2 for 2.

have i ever mentioned how lovely and glamorous pregnancy can be sometimes?

oh, you know, like the time i was stuck in rush hour traffic in some of the most excruciating pain i've ever experienced. yes, i was driving and no, i haven't a clue how i made it home safely. this pain seriously gave birth to the word "writhe". i was writhing in pain.

when i finally made it home husband rushed me to the hospital where i proceeded to spill my guts in front of the lady checking us in. after a quick butt-shot of morphine and a trip to the potty, the diagnosis: kidney stone.

yikes.

they kept me at the hospital overnight, hooked up to an IV and monitors since the pain was causing contractions. i was probably only about 26-28 weeks along. yes, this was last time.

saturday. woke up, 24 weeks. side pain.
i know this pain.

we went to grab some breakfast at the donut shop (since we had actually lost power at the house the night before) in hopes that the pain would subside.

no such luck.

next stop, urgent care. the pain was making it uncomfortable to even sit still. and i thought i was about to pee my britches, but i knew i needed to save that for the good ol' urine sample.

alas, it was finally time to leave my mark and i had nothing to give. i downed a bottle and a half of water and left what i could. the doctor came in and said there was blood in my urine which most likely indicated what i feared: kidney stone. he prescribed some pain meds and told me to call my doctor immediately to see if i should go to the hospital.

on the ride home it hit me, the writhe. the most intense 5 minutes of horrific pain causing tears to stream down my face.

i was certain we would end up at the hospital.

but after waiting the 2 hours it took for my mom to come watch rylan, my pain level continued to drop off. once she arrived, we decided to stall out for a bit.

and call it what you want, but i'm writing this down as a miracle in my book...i must have passed the stone at home because, well, the pain went away.

and that's that.
my 2 for 2.
2 pregnancies and 2 kidney stones.

let's hope that's the end of hailey and the stones.

amen.

the day i became a mother.

there is no day like this day.

although i am anxiously awaiting the arrival of my little girl in september and i'm sure that day will be just as sweet, there is something to be said about the day i became a mother.

it all began the day that i found out about you. i started my journey to motherhood that day. you see it's somewhat of a process-becoming a mother, it doesn't just happen overnight and there's always room to grow.

but maybe it began before all of that. maybe it was just even the thought of you. like the time your daddy and i were looking for our wedding reception site and we were dreaming of little blonde babies (ok maybe that was just me, but whatever).

maybe it happened slowly over the first few years of marriage, all the talks, the hopes, the dreams and prayers. or maybe in the long months spent waiting to meet you as you grew within my body.

i'm not certain where exactly it all began, but what i do know is that i was a mother that day. and as i held you in my arms and looked upon your face for the first time something in me was changed forever,

and your life became bigger than mine.

and all of a sudden,
i became a mother.

Baby Baker #2 is a.....???

GIRL!!! 

and we can't wait to meet her!

i'm almost 21 weeks now and still battling cycles of nausea. most of the time i feel like september will never get here, but then i look down at my belly and can't believe i'm over halfway there. pregnancy is a funny thing that way, lots of mixes of emotions.

p.s. someone please help us out with the girl names-we are struggling over here!

i've been a terrible blogger.

sorry i dropped off the face of the earth for a bit folks, but moving is rough! we are finally getting settled in and the boxes are starting to diminish. still lots to do though! anybody want to come finish things up for us? anybody??...anyone? bueller?

anywho-we are glad to be in the new house and are ready for things to get back to normal-we're tired of living out of suitcases and boxes!

on another note, we did find out the gender of baby baker #2 a couple of weeks ago...i know...i know, what a horrible blogger i am...blah blah...i'll get around to sharing soon. promise!

for now here's a shot of my little helper :)

my baby.

it's started to sink in that my baby will no longer be my "baby" when this new little one comes along.  

big brother.

it's hard to take in right now. i'm feeling all sorts of emotions about it and the pregnancy hormones don't help. it's one of the most bittersweet things i can imagine, watching one baby grow up, taking on a new role in life and then welcoming another in his place.

it's the weirdest of feelings, a mix of loss and gain that i most definitely can't describe in its entirety.

whenever the sadness starts to creep in i remind myself that i still have 5 months with this baby sitting in front of me. 5 whole months with rylan as my baby. 5 whole months to kiss his chubby cheeks and to dance around the living room. just me and him.

i'm doing my best to just soak it all in. i love you baby.
both of you.